An attempt to answer some questions.

Thank you so much for the support! It is really touching.

I will try to respond to as many of the comments as I can individually but at the moment I am only able to access the blog on my phone since the DNS hasn’t propagated yet. This is why Some people are able to access it and some are not. It can take up to 48 hours for DNS to propagate and it can bounce back and forth. Once I can use a real computer and not my phone I will respond more.

As far as giving notice. I wish I could have. See, he has the servers, the actual code. I don’t have access to any of that which is why this is a wordpress blog. He had notice and he could have given notice or worked to resolve it with me but he didn’t. Well, he made a worse offer than the original settlement offer after I stated what I wanted and then didn’t pick up the phone when I tried to call him to discuss it.

Either way, I don’t anticipate this being permanent. I hope it is short lived and you can all get back to chatting with your friends.


531 thoughts on “An attempt to answer some questions.”

  1. Just to let everyone know: there is an IRC channel on freenode called #collarme. you can join many of the “refugees” there.

    1. Tiffany,
      I own a large computer data center in Texas and would like to talk to Tiffany, I also have a massive infrastructure and the personal in place to run and Manage a proper site.

      Please e mail me and i will give you my contact info

      1. You go rick and I am here to help in any capacity I can! I’ve got years of BDSM experience and a few years of tech work in my past.

      2. Dear Rick Smith,
        That was a very good offer that you made to Tiffany. I hope she takes it up even if legally she alters the web site name from

        John Robert Size
        PS Tiffany is welcome to contact me if she has any medical questions concerning where and who can provide the very very best treatment for her daughter’s heart condition because my only brother has high level medical connections all over the USA and beyond.

        1. I thank all for filling me in on what happened, or at least one side of it. I have a quirk in my nature that I believe everyone at their word until proven otherwise. If there is no proof that what Tiffany has said is a lie or is not the whole truth then I haven’t seen it. I have been screwed (and not in the good way) by others and understand what it feels like. Good luck Tiffany and hope that CM is back soon.

        1. Typing errors happen!!!! Not everyone can speak English perfectly because it’s a second language, typing fast, or are auto corrected.

    2. Sorry to hear such bad news… There are many selfish bastards all over the place, this is my personal experience. As we say: protect me from my “friends”, I’ll take care of my ennemies. From my end I cannot do much but I’ll cross my fingers and say “merde” to you. As the French say, it’s supposed to bing you good luck. And another thing: follow Winston Chrchill’s example, NEVER GIVE UP !

      1. Some time ago I help finance a dial-up service in Nashville called “CyberCast with a couple and didn’t have a written agreement on the deal. They wanted me to pay for this and that but I wouldn’t do it. They took over the complete operation because of no agreement. AT&T had the state pass a law that if you had a certain amount of phone lines they had to have a business phone for each line. Of course this put them out of business. I thought they was friends but they wasn’t. What goes around will come around.

    3. Take a sensible view of the situation. Of course it is frustrating putting a lot of effort into something and then to have it ruined but removing the website as leverage is affecting more than just him. Posting that blog is not going to improve the situation either, as it has not given him the chance to put his views over and that will very probably anger him.

      You should ask yourself what is more important – ownership of something you have spent a lot of time and money on, or your other problems. I think you know the answer to that.

      My advice is to sell him the domain. Go and concentrate on what you should be concentrating on. If in a while you want to start up a new, rival, site, do so. The obvious result of doing it this ransom way is that he is probably going to set up a new domain and run the site on that with a similar name. Then you have nothing from it at all and that will be worse for you.

      1. Exactly! Good to hear that a few people understand the technical part here and are able to offer logical insight into Tiffany’s situation.

        He already did set up a new domain name and attached it to the data files on the server. I have received email coming from the new domain name.

        All the best to Tiffany on her daughter’s front. We all need to focus on our priorities.

      2. This is sad and unfortunate state of affairs. We WILL all recover from it and reestablish our connections.

        He can easily set up with a new domain. The value is the data and history he holds, not the name…. He may even be able to prove he had the primary interest and ownership. He may be able to fight in court and even keep the name..

        Tiffany took herself out of the game with that maneuver as far as the original collarme goes UNLESS it was spelled out well in that contract they are disputing.

        I am betting it was written poorly and covers compensation more than ownership and rights of intellectual property and etc..

        She may win in court for the money she is owed.. she is probably not liable for taking the domain down, it was hers. She is probably not contractually obligated to keep it live. She may lose the rights to the name collarme and could even be kept from using it. Nothing is clear about this at all.

        A new site and new founders is the obvious solution.

        Yes, I kept a record of everything I wrote in rather extensive blog/profile. I also kept a record of my photo there and on many other sites.

        It is only logical to make backups in this day and age. Shame on you if you didn’t, need a good spanking for not planning ahead, weather alone in this world should have you making contingency plans.

        If anyone is trying to reach me, I am easy to find online… establishing a broad presence on many sites certainly insured that and my backpage ads don’t hurt…

        Wishing you all the best,
        Lola the Iron Mistress

      3. From comments that i am reading through it would appear that this is precisely what the bloke has indeed done.

        The lady who choosing tiffany as her pseudonym has potentially lost cm and any monetary compensation that she may continue to want.

        Some people have already gone to and society 31

        1. Fetlife has been my go to site for a long time now. I’ve met more people on Collarme in total but find that Fetlife is the best thing out there to an overall social experience in the BDSM arena.

      4. Stupid….stupid…..stupid. If you were Burger King and owned the name McDonalds…..would you sell back the name to your competition? Did you get dropped your head or something? She needs to keep that name and start a whole new site with better partners.

    4. Tiffany,

      That’s very sad to hear. I can’t even begin to image what would make someone act so childishly for all that time.

      Either way, I hope you have at least considered reaching out through the network of kink-aware professionals to find an attorney willing to help pro bono. Collarme is an important resource for the BDSM community and it’s a real shame your former partner never understood that.

      Best of luck and I hope your little one is doing well.


    5. While this settles out, there’s no reason to “Think We’re Alone, Now.”

      I don’t know what’s gotten into Debbie Gibson, but I wish Tiffany the best, as she comes across in her post as a smart and decent person. While the costs of litigation may be unbearable, do not underestimate the payback of karma for any evil chameleon.

      Considering Tiffany’s list of skills, I cannot imagine her having to sing in shopping malls or, worse, turn to a life of rap. “Here, in My Heart,” I suspect that, “After All This Time” of duress, she’ll overcome this ordeal, “Get Back in the Groove,” not reflect much on what “Could’ve Been,” and start anew, and if that includes a new site, she’ll have plenty of fans who’ll follow.

      1. RealityBites stands mouth agape, in horror of or respect for, the creative song references….not sure what to do…..system failure.

    6. Thank you Tiffany for your web site, all your work, and dedication. I am very saddened to hear about your child. You have my support.

      I helped my former best friend, a failed commodities trader, make his first million dollars trading S&P 500 futures. Today, he acts like he doesn’t know me. He doesn’t even talk to me. Most human beings suck.

      If there is anything I can do for you, please let me know.

      Please ignore the naysayers.

      I believe you, and wish you all the best.


      1. Tiffany,

        Wanted to respond direct to you but don’t appear to have that ability.

        Having seen your situation and Franks as well I wish you all the best. I am not a tech expert but have done many buy sell agreements, corporate but outs etc in the legal arena.

        If you need a west coast lawyer feel free to contact me. dean.2007@

        More important than all this business stuff is your daughters health. Wish you all good things for her first and foremost.

        All the best,


    7. I really thank you for all you have done.

      Please ignore any criticism. Haters gonna hate. You are an angel. The world needs more people like you. You are way too kind and generous. You should have cut your former friend out of the picture long ago. If there is anything I can do for you, please email me.

      I am very sorry to hear about your daughter. I wish you, your husband, and your child all the best.

      I am a good negotiator and mediator. If there is anything I can do for you please let me know.

      michael from N. Miami Beach, Florida

    8. Since you own the domain you can start up your own site. The business concept around the isnt copyrighted since there are others that do the same that you do. Since your the captain of that ship, your partner was basically letting you do all the work as he sat back and collected off your sweat. There’s plenty of off the shelf software out there that can be easily be implemented. Since you own th e domain, the regular members have a choice. Legally he cant do anything whatsoever because the BDSM membership isnt his own concept or copyright. There’s no contract or noncompetition clause – which im sure he would have it in the settlement agreement that yu couldnt venture your own site.

      1. Sadly, registering a domain name is not the only consideration here. Tiffany would be wise to consult a good attorney.

    9. My guess is Peter Acworth of fame would be willing to pay you a gazillion dollars for the web address.

      Peter Aceworth is multi-million dollar founder of I always assumed owned Collarme.

      Your web address is worth 50 million dollars.

      I am very serious about this figure. You need an agent to market this web address. It is probably the most valuable web address on the internet after the drudgereport and


      1. I am sorry to here what has happened to you and yes it is not nice for anyone to be used in this way.

        I just wonder if CM will be reopened in the near future .

        I have been a member there for many years and made so great friends on that site and know this is a great sad day of the news CM was closing down and I know no one I know was told any thing like this was going to happen

    10. ” Privacy and Safety – All of your information is still located on servers that are under my former partner’s control. None of your information has been altered, compromised, or sent into random cyberspace due to my redirecting the domain.
      It is as safe as it has always been.”

      You cannot ensure that being the truth if you have no control. You have hacked your own site and its users. You are rather pathetic to say the least. Your partner should sue your sorry ……..

    11. so there is no collar me anymore? what do I care about all this can someone just say the site is gone or where to find it?

    12. Great, I just lost 14 profiles of hot babes that were little gift card and cash goldmines….guess I’ll have to get a job now :(

    13. ok so how do i get at my previous profile. i have literally 10 years worth of writing in my journal. some of it i have backed up, but the last couple months, which contains some of my best work, i don’t. would really like to be able to recover that. any help would be appreciated.

      1. @wren37

        Tiffany doesn’t have access to the website only the domain. All of your information is still on the server (computer) that it was on last week.

        The only thing that has changed is that when someone puts in the url for CM it goes to this site instead of the one it used to.

        Think of it like she owns the phone number to the business CM. All she did was have the phone number forwarded to her cell phone. The brick and mortar business (server) is still there and the only thing that has changed is that the phones have been shut off.

        When she decides to sell him the domain he will point it back to his server and it will be as if nothing had happened at all. I hope she gets all that she wanted and more.

        Tiffany for President!

        1. Thank you for explaining Mr. Sharp. ..
          So it’s like (the collarme site) it’s still there but it’s invisible to us.

          I’ll wait for it.
          Love bratty

    1. I’ve been trying to launch a new kinky site for a couple of years, but while everyone has been talking a huge game, no one has yet to put their money where their mouth is.

      My goal is to start a site that has ALL the bells and whistles… taking the best from CM, FL and the now-defunct MDS and create a professional site that isn’t all dreary or white-on-black color schemes or decorated with gothy castle windows and daemons.

      But.. whatever.

      A little sad to see CM go, not that I was overly active on it.

      If Tiffany wants to contact me and talk about building something from scratch, my email is above.

        1. @ Blksubprincess they are still there baby girl. The sight is still there. We just have to wait a little bit.

          your pics are safe .

          Love bratty

      1. Simple fool…..She is in the right and she is standing up for what is right. She gave her partner every chance. He’s the fuck-up. I would trust her any day. She sounds like a stand-up kinda person who morons like you would be lucky to lick her boot heels.

  2. Hi Tiffany,

    I hope oyu will solved these problems. Remember Tiffany you problems are more important then ours, we cannot chat with friends. So what Tiffany we can wait for that, you needs are number one!!

    Greetz Mr Eelke

    And really Tiffany let him know that it is for real now, and that a lot of members choose your site!!

  3. Some of us use this site to chat to folks that we have no other way of contacting, and you’ve taken the site down without any warning, leaving us no way of getting in touch with people. The least you could do is permit 24 hr grace period so people can exchange alternative contact details.

    1. Well, causing the biggest ruckus she can in order to make a successful counter strike is Tiffany’s main objective here, isn’t it? So far it seems she’s playing her cards well…

      Good luck on your baby girl and your finances, Tiffany <3

    2. agreed. It wasn’t very responsible thing to do.. some warning would have gone well well :/ can someone else take over the whole website ? Bring it back please

    3. totally agree with you……………….. I’ve lost contact with people I’ll never be able to speak to again

    1. This appears to be a simple DNS change, meaning the translation from a domain ( to a IP address which your computer uses to send requests has been changed. Consider it sort of like changing the phone number associated with a person in the phone book. The person owning the old number still has his phone with that number, but when you look up the person in the phone book you will be dialing another person with another number.

      The site would exist in it’s normal state unless the guy who is able to control it has done anything. It may even be accessible if you have the IP, but that depends on how the webserver is set up.

    2. This is precisely why I choose not to share any personal information nor pics on those sites. It becomes the property of the owner of the server if you read most of those long END USER LICENCE AGREEMENTS.

    3. lol, are you kidding me! cody. Your Profile and you’re pictures are free game to anybody, It’s a Public Site!!! Duh…..

  4. First, I am so sorry this has happened. There is a tool called a buy or sell agreement; one party makes an offer and the other party gets to either buy or sell based on the number presented by the other party. This should function to keep the offer reasonable.
    I would like to comment on this page. Your writing is extremely well done. I wish you the very best I know that before I got my sugar issues under control I was subject to mood swings, and as you have laid it out here, I find myself wondering if your associate has some substance or unrealized medical issue.
    Anyhow good luck.

  5. so if it gets up and running again, our usernames will stay the same, and we can log in as usual when back up?

  6. Tiffany,

    it’s good that you pointed out the 48h time in DNS changes – many users will have no clue and their confusion will go on for at least that time.

    As I understand there were no contracts (and offers that have officially not been confirmed could be withdrawn), there could also be a problem as well for you as your ex-partner could make you responsible for harming his business on purpose. I realize you might not want to think about it much, especially as you know you are the legal owner of the domain, but there is more to that as your actions cause consequences for him (i.e. maybe he has contracts or agreements with certain advertisers, direct loss of income, etc.). A court could make you partially responsible for any loss and if it is only a small percentage, it still would cost you money and energy – I guess this is something you cannot afford.

    I have been involved in several law suits, running a successful and growing international business for over 15 years and the “no contract” plus “ex friend” situation is the worst you can imagine. There is always two sides to each story and he could lie in the court as much as he wants and the judge will not believe either you or him, he will simply ignore both sides and make a statement only based on facts. And these facts can only be shown by written documents, emails, etc. – and they mean a law suit would take long and cost more.

    Do not get me wrong, what you do is surly effective for the moment and probably what he deserves – but if he is the person you describe, he will probably not go down on his knees and crawl to you now. People that run their own kingdom often loose perspective and when CM was “his”, he lost it and he will be beyond it by now already and rather fight till the end than do anything that helps you.

    No fun intended, but what you do now might seem nice in the BDSM world of thinking, but in the business world and dealing with people that have his personality, it is not so effective.

    I think you need to do two things for your own protection:

    1. setup a second WordPress blog under a different page (or anything else) where you can update people about any news in addition to what you do here

    2. even if this might sound strange and if you do not like it, provide a way to allow people donate; you will not be able to reply to pay for any possible legal fees with the plan to setup a new website that would be a competition to the original CM, no matter what domain name is used

    Once you feel good about what happens or if you continue to worry, get legal help. You might need it.

    Oh, and there are also other very simple and cost effective ways to protect yourself. I cannot mention them in public as “the other side” could read it and do the same first. If interested, send an email (even though I am sure you are overwhelmed with what you get contacted with by now).

    Good luck, with lot’s of sympathy!

    1. ” There is always two sides to each story and he could lie in the court as much as he wants ”

      There are indeed two sides to every story. So why are you assuming that he, and only he, will tell lies? We have only heard one side of the story so far.

      It’s part of human nature to believe the first version of the ‘truth’ that we hear; we want certainty, and changing our minds is troublesome. But I would like to hear the other side before passing judgment. Hopefully the judge will feel the same way!

      Note: In case anybody thinks I’m some kind of apologist for the other party – I’m just a CM member from the UK and don’t know either of the parties involved. The site certainly is dreadful (due to the users rather than the functionality, which is excellent), and I can’t remember it being better before. So I don’t know if it has got worse over the years as the OP states. I’m commenting because I never like to see such a one-sided debate. It almost looks like replies are being censored, but I trust this is not the case. Will soon find out!

    2. Tiffanys situation is that she owns the name that people enter into their browser to reach the service, kind of the “brand” but also more than that. That guy has the server you reach when you enter that name. He also has all the keys to that server.

      Tiffany has 2 choices, technically:
      1) Let things go on as usual where people go to collarme (her name) and reach his server. In this situation Tiffany has no _technical_ way to tell anyone what is going on because he can censor, block, ban or delete anything she might say or try to say to anyone, and if she put up a page of her own to explain the situation none would know it exist unless they actively searched for it.

      2) She can use the only “weapon” she has, which is to point the name to another service so she can explain what is going on, and hopefully force him to wake up now that he sits with a service none can reach.

      People here who are saying she should have handled it differently from #2 are REALLY saying she should give him the business for free, give up, and disappear without a trace.
      He will win and be happy (or if he is a psychopath, pursue her further and find other ways to harm her (I have met some of those), while she can spend a fortune on lawyers who neither know or care about computer stuff.

  7. It had to end sooner or later. Too many fakes and scam artists in Collar Me.
    Try to model your new site like Fet Life. That is if you wish to proceed with a site like Collar Me.
    Thanks for the education. I learned from Collar Me.
    Best wishes for a more successful future.

      1. Buzz, you are partialy right about FetLife !! while it has much to offer ,, its a living HELL trying to figure how to navigate the site..while i go there to mainly check out the whole world ,and whats going on…They still havent figured out that Providence is ALSO and Island ,in the Bahamas chain of Islands,, and keep referring it to the mainland or Rode Island USA or Ma.

      2. I agree. I have a site at fetlife and hate it. Now i use Submissive City Chat which is closer in style to CM than fetlife. As to “fakes”, every human has the tendency to be fake but those who don’t want their true self to be known, more so.

    1. Any web site, free or pay, is going to have scammers and trolls. My preference is to have a free, advertising supported sight. Trusting someone with a credit card number is overly optimistic.

  8. You will probably recive many offers now to build new sites. As consultant in this kind of business (not a lawyer and not US based) I’d strongly suggest you to consider a brand rental solution, where you can place the brand, the domain, the knowledge of the market and how to deal with a community like CM one and the other part creates and manage a new site. There should be a payment upfront for you.

    I’d offer my help on this but since I’m based in Europe I’m not sure if it’s gonna be useful.

    Also, any new site you develop will have the problem of loosing all the profiles and an important percentage of traffic but it would probably be worth.

    I wish you the best luck!!! As a father, I can only support your decision.

  9. I am happy to donate to set up a new site. Also why not post his email and let all of contact him.. over and over and over again.

  10. Very sorry to hear. But hopefully you can reboot and bring CM back to life and earn some revenue from it. Sorry to hear about your daughter’s troubles too.

  11. Good luck and We hope things work out all around. We have enjoyed the collarme.

    Those We were in contact with can find Us on Our fet profiles.

    Master Michael Zevha and Mistress Kitten Zevha

  12. I would be happy to pay a subscription fee to the site that would also stop the constant fakes, scammers and trolls the have beat this site down so much anyway. Good luck in all your ventures.

    1. I wouldn’t pay a subscription fee personally but maybe a photo verification system would work.

      Anything to get rid of the fakes….

  13. Dear Tiffany,

    Sad to read about all the problems. Especially with your daughter. Hope all will turn out fine in the end.

    As for the site……….really bad.
    It’s very nice you posted this to inform all the thousands of members. Hope you will keep all of us informed here. But! First things first: private problems should have your priority now as I think all of us will understand.

    Best regards,

    1. No. This is WordPress, first of all. Their severs can’t and won’t handle an independent commercial domain’s traffic.

      Secondly, her partner could then still manager and monitor and control administration of the site, accumulating profits and distributing them as he sees fit.

      What should be done is the domain name is reinstated, and litigation filed. This is juvenile and counter-productive for HER. It shows the maturity level of the people who run this site. I wouldn’t post anything on a domain run by such idiots ever again.

      1. It’s very sad, but you just pointed out the facts. She is the one that is loosing from this and she does not seem to realize it.

      2. I would have to agree. Sorry about her daughter.
        Sorry about their misuderstanding,
        but I would have to agree with him,
        the site did not need to be changed or upgraded.

        1. Buzz,, according to Her,,Hes the one that started changing things around here that started driving people off,,, or thats how i read her post !! i dont think this Verification String Bullshit was her idea !! and pictures being posted upside down….She was busy with Her Daughter at the time all this crap started,,,and i know you can see this…im hoping they can resolve this without loosing collarme……BUT i will be looking for from now on, and She can get it back to where it used to be a joy to communicate there…along with spell check included

      3. Litigation costs money but her technique costs nothing. I applaud her for the way she’s handled it. However, the other partner could just change the site’s name to something different and continue on. That doesn’t cost much either.

  14. I see all these comments saying the site is down. I can not find it on my phone and am directed to these strains. Yet a friend is at home signing in and off with no problems on her laptop. What’s going on? If the site is down, how is she able to get on and off at will?



    1. Each computer has its own look-up directory, called DNS. Like Tiffany Mentioned, it can take up to 48 hours for all the computers to get the latest copy of this directory start pointing to the new location. Until then, some people will see the old site while others see this page.

    2. the site will be completely down in a few hours. When a domain name is redirected it can take up to 24 hours for it to populate across all the router and servers on the internet. Soon everyone will see this page.

  15. It would be nice to have his email and phone number. After all the money we spent clicking threw advertising and buying stuff at the store, we should at least be able to give him a little bit of our mind on this matter.

  16. Tiffany, I am a Web Developer. I would be willing to bet you have a large enough geek community ( that IS a fetish) that we can all pull and work together, and get this going without him. YOU own the original domain. SO, he cannot say your “competing” as you own the original. But, you take care of you right now. Give it some thought. And think about if this is something you want to put a team of volunteers together to get back up and running while you focus on life awhile. It will take quite awhile and A LOT of people to get this site back up, and better than before. I am sure you can see my email. Let me know if I can help in any way possible.

    1. Yea i am in to develop something new. The point is that there is a need for a bunch of servers and some bandwidth to handle it, because the whole world was on CM.

      You got a idea about some freewebspace?

      The software is not the biggest problem, we can write that in a month with some forces together.

      I do have a server here, but it would cover just for one country.

      But going on with such partner who lost the reality is not a option. Such people are going from bad to worse.

    2. Agreed. Plenty of us would rebuild the site better than it was before. We could get something up quick and dirty and build something better. :)

  17. I’m really sorry to see what you’ve had to deal with and I fully support you. I am sending positive thoughts to you and your family.

    Collarme was such a wonderful site, especially early on. It helped me learn more about myself as a submissive, and helped in establishing some great friendships and relationships over the years.

    It’s sad to see what you have had to deal with. I can tell by your dedication that you really want the site to live on and be a healthy community.

    Sad to say, but I actually wouldn’t mind Collarme as it was, just being gone. Too many spammers, fake profiles, and people that are just looking to make a quick buck versus form a healthy connection.

    I genuinely hope that you make Collarme (or whatever it would be called) in a new light. I’d much rather pay for a site that had the early spirit of what Collarme was than what it has become.

    If there’s any way to help (if this is something you’re considering at all), please let me know. You e contributed such a great deal that many of us are grateful for.

    1. You are right, a lot of the women I connected with seemed very shortly to ask for money, rather than function as a submissive woman. I hope that if the site restarts or another one starts that we will be somehow directed to it.

  18. Tiffany-

    That is crazy. I met my GF on the site . I am more then happy to donate my time and knowledge to get this place back.

    Please feel free to email me if/when you have some time.

  19. I hope you are right in you assumption that this will be short lived. It really is a messy business to air all of this dirty laundry over the net. I’d be surprised if he doesn’t try to sue you for slander.

  20. Hi Tiffany

    its really sad to hear what you are going through. we do salute you for strength and patience and fully support you in this fight for justice and what is rightfully yours.

  21. I’m sorry you’re going through all of this and that you’ve had to take this step to try to get things sorted out with your partner. I went through something very similar to this a few years back with a fairly sizeable website of my own.

    I hope you’ll be able to work things out, but if not, or if you’d simply like to go in another direction, or you’d just like some advice, please drop me a line. Besides coding and running my own site with many thousands of users, I also do development in my day job, and have for many years. Besides, I have a soft spot for Collarme, having met my current submissive here.

    I wish you all my best in getting this sorted out.

  22. Hi,

    I (icytear on CM as well as on FL) am not really sure what I want to say as I am still kinda shocked.

    I really understand your personal situation (I only wish the best for your daughter and you) and after your explaining I can totally see how you couldn’t and wouldn’t “work” with this “partner” of yours any more. Also, a lot of us in the BDSM community know and experienced exactly (and some of us complained about it often too) how CM became worse and worse each year, the quality of the site deteriorating rapidly as well as potential dangerous and/or shady people totally destroying the small rest of any reputation for CM that was left in no time.
    So yes, I can understand you, very much so. It would just have been very nice and thoughtful if you had us at least given a one week heads up. Some of us found nice people to talk to here and even built close friendships (something you might have intended to happen when you started that site in the first place) – and may have no possibility to get in contact with their friends and aquaintances now :o(

    But besides that: Thank you for getting up with the idea for this site in the first place and making it possible for us to get in contact with other kinky people from all over the world! Concentrate on you personal life now and take care of daughter whom I wish the best. And if – at some distant point in the future – you consider to build up a new BDSM online community/site: then please let us now via this page here. In the meanwhile: Good luck and best wishes to you and your family!

    To all my friends from here, that didn’t get any other contact possibility from me and want to contact me (icytear):
    Please go to FL – I have the same name there as I had here -, search for icytear and send me a message and a friend request. If you prefer to send me a short mail, message me via


  23. 1) Tiffany has tried to convey she holds the corporate name,
    2) Tiffany has also tried to convey the she is does not hold the code for the site; as that is (legally?) held by past business partner.
    3) as Tiffany, and probably others, have/has noted ligation for her to reclaim the code and servers would take years and LOT of money to pull off.

    For a support fund to cone into being … Tiffany would have to declare it, state what it is intended for, and where it is, … and that is something ONLY Tiffany can do when and if she is ready to do it. (naturally there are legal and tax issues in that too).

    MstrPBK / Peter Kelley
    St. Paul, MN USA

  24. I just started a profile here, and I really hope this issue gets resolved soon! I liked the layout and I never had any issues. I would donate some to help …. you should let us have the partners email so we can file a formal complaint, Or not so formal

  25. hello
    on and off user here
    would like to offer my condolences and wish you best of luck in your future endeavors. it is truly horrible what you have gone through

  26. Tiffany you have our support. From all the Ladies at the we have set up a collarme connection group on our site for your members to stay connected while this gets resolved. It is free to join, and we have made access to the group free.

  27. I can understand your personal struggles but I hardly see why we all should have to suffer for it. Get a lawyer- if you can’t afford one there is free legal aid in every state. What you have done by taking down the site like this is made it so he has recourse against you. I’m not saying anything bad about you but you should have thought this through better and contacted a lawyer before doing it. I realize you couldn’t give us notice- and perhaps he didn’t because he knew (by talking with a lawyer) that if you did this he may be able to sue you for the revenue he is missing from the site being down regardless of the reasons why. Sincerely asking us to fight your battle with him by removing our way to communicate and connect with each other seems a bit childish. I do wish you and your daughter the best- but I think even though you are absolutely right as far as needing to be paid- you didn’t go about it the right way in my opinion.

    1. Tiffany has not taken the site down. It is still there and still accessible if you know the IP address.

      The only thing she has done is redirected the URL to her personal blog.

      Legally, she has done nothing to her partner’s business except taken down the nameplate (that she owns) and for which she is being paid nothing.

      He has the option to:
      a) buy the domain name for a commercial price
      b) contract with her to lease the domain name to point to his site.

      1. And for those of us who DON’T know the IP address?? How are we meant to get into our accounts which we set up in good faith, and back in touch with people we only had contact with through the site???

        I think the point of this action has been well made. Time to do the decent thing now though.

        1. Is the site completely down? I am a bit confused by this. I tried to log in to the site and was directed to this blog. However, my partner checked and he was able to access his collarme from his phone this morning without any issues. How is that possible? Its not fair to have a profile on a site that now I can not access at all and I have been a member since it began. :(

          I totally understand Tiffany’s frustration……..but this affects everyone who has a profile and pictures on the site. I do feel it is only fair that the members have the option to access their profile somehow to remove their own stuff should they desire to. This sounds like a battle between the two that will not resolve anytime soon. It’s a shame as I have met many great friends over the years by way of collarme.

          1. I agree. It is unfortunate you have the family problems, and we wish you well. But it would have been nice to have a bit of warning so as to be able to make alternate arrangements to contact folks we were talking to, or amend our profiles, or anything before losing all of our contact information and such that we have been building up for years.. Now our info has been hijacked, and we have all lost information that we needed..

  28. Dear Tiffany,

    Sorry to hear what you’ve gone through.

    I am an experienced developer looking forward to take part in the development of the new site. I can also finance the project.

    I’m working with a very gifted graphic designer and together we can create a high end system, light years ahead of the previous site. I have many ideas and concepts to share.
    In the past, I was close to contacting the owner of to propose a complete redesign of the site, but never did.

    Now that all this has happened I have decided to give it a shot.

    If you are interested send me an email and I would be glad to provide more information.


  29. I am really sorry to tell you this and I actually hope you will read this and not publish it (my previous comment has not been published yet either).

    I checked a few things online and I am sorry to tell, but if your ex-friend has a decent lawyer, he can not only sue you for damage because of the bad faith you have shown, he can actually claim the ownership of the domain name. With a proper IP lawyer that process will take him a week only, max. 2 – and after that he will come after to get the money.

    The key he has is the trademark. It has been registered with a first use date, which is the same as the domain ownership date. It was never objected. So it has a higher priority than the domain. Unless you have written evidence that you can do whatever you want with the domain regardless of the COLLARME trademark, you lost it.

    I feel like crying understanding your story and not being able to help and knowing that you just made it worse to the point where he could destroy you. Maybe CM will be harmed a lot, but if he is cruel and clever, you have very little chance to win this case.

    Get a lawyer. Quickly. It’s your only chance to get out of this without more harm.

  30. Tiffany, I hope that your daughter is doing well now. If you create a new site I hope that you will keep us all posted so that we know about it.

  31. Hi Tiffany,

    First of all i wish you the best and most luck with your daughter, i will pray she will recover and get very well.

    I can understand your decision to unplug CM under such circumstances. And i think it is better to keep the URL and make something new, then to work with such a person who lost the reality and is just busy with him self.

    Please keep us informed here and what your plans are, because i dont want to end up on his servers.

  32. As a fellow sister, I support you in all your endures for fair and equally compensation for the dedicated work and effort you have given all of us who enjoy the site. Best of luck with your daughter. Please continue to let us know how we can support you.

  33. So sorry to hear what you have been through Tiffany . Thoughts are with you and your little one. Just to say I have met some lovely friends through collar me. So thank you so much for those opportunities and the fun times that have been had.
    Take care of yourself and hope you have some monetary resolution soon.

  34. Tiffany,

    Sorry to hear of the problems you are encountering, unfortunately in today’s business world, squabbles of this nature happen. I hope that regardless of the outcome, something is worked out that is fair and equitable to you both. I don’t know if it’s of any help, but if there is anything I can do to offer you space or assistance to temporarily host CM on our dedicated servers, or lend you some techincal support from our programming support people , I’d be more than happy to. Just knowing you have this ace up your sleeve might give you the leverage you need to swing things in your direction.
    Be safe,,
    As Always, I Remain,

  35. It’s sad to see go through this, yet i understand.

    Surely today many are flocking elsewhere, so hopefully CM will be back. I’ve been on CM for almost a decade.

    Hang in there people. While I understand the owner dispute and support Tiffany, I have faith she is merely fighting for what is rightfully hers. I would have done the same, except perhaps sooner.

    While other’s are suggesting to sign up elsewhere, please hear my advice from a veteran. No site is better than CM.

    Don’t waste your money if you’re a sub on FinDoms. It’s a waste. If you’re a domme, and you want to profit, avoid the place like a plague if you want to sleep at night. You’ll all be disappointed in the lack of human relationships.

    Keep CM free, monetize with advertising, and images of feet are gladly accepted, we understand.

    Hang in there, and soon enough, we’ll see it back up.

  36. Tiffany,

    I have met some of the most amazing people in the world through your site, please contact me at your earliest convenience so I may help.

    I am local, able, willing and ready.

  37. Thank you Tiffany for keeping us up to date. I support you 100% in what you have done with right now.

    I would encourage your readers to please click on an ad link every time they sign in, since this is a free site and those clicks drive revenue to the site.

    Shame on your former friend and partner for being such an ass. I hope it works out for you! :)

  38. Definitely NOT fair how you have been treated. You did what you had to do. But CM is an important part of my life. Lets get this resolved quickly.

    I agree with a previous comment…..tell us who this guy is so we all can turn a blowtorch in his direction

  39. Thank you for you post Tiffany.

    Very sorry to hear about your challenges and I wish the best for you and your daughter.

    You “owe” none of the users anything, not even an explanation of what’s happened. You’ve been very generous and I wish to share my gratitude for creating what I think has been the best platform for this community.

    Life’s too short to put up with bullshit. I think you should do whatever works best for you and don’t worry about what others think or say.

  40. Tiffany,

    I have been through a very similar situation including having a child born with a congenital health issue. I would also very much like to help you evolve Collarme in whichever way you see fit. I think we all know it could return to its glory days if you were given the proper resources.

    Please contact me if you would like to discuss. So you know, I have been raising capital for startups for nearly two decades.

    Good luck

  41. While reading your letter, my emotions went from disheartened to anger very quickly!! How could someone be so cruel?!! Unfortunately, there are those in this world who are only consumed with THEMSELVES and their wants/needs/desires!! A friend who was easily persuaded, was never a friend to begin with! As with all dating sites, one must weed through the trash to find a bonafide treasure! I enjoyed collarme but my visits were infrequent. I would NOT continue to visit knowing the circumstances! I truly wish and hope for the best for your family! YOU and your family come first!

  42. Tiff, I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

    Is there anything I can do to help build your website? I have a similar story with a (so-called) best friend and know the heartache. I would like to offer any and all help to you.


  43. I am sorry, but can’t suggest anything!
    Most of my life I dealt with cheap and tight people and realized it’s easier to separate them from their right arm than from money, either theirs or not!

    Wish you the best for the baby and for yourself

    1. Well, that may be a little harsh but,

      he still has the website,
      where is it now?

      He will just get another Domain name and off we go……

  44. Sorry Tiffany, I would love to be empathetic and help you, but you have wronged us (and continue to do so) while asking for help and I am having a difficult time seeing past that.

    You’re holding us and our personal data hostage, in an act of desperation without warning, because of drama in your life. Do you really think this was the way to get our support or sympathy? You’ve officially made it so that we can’t even delete / take down our personal data if we want to. I’d imagine you are making yourself legally liable to the users.

    How about you keep this blog up, raising awareness of your issue, and provide a link that gets us over to the servers where all of our photos, profiles, chats, and connections are? Collarme is just going to change domain names otherwise.

    1. Dan/MD

      Collarme was a free service. As such our use of the site was a privilege, not a right. As owner of the domain, Tiffany can keep hosting the site, this blog, or pictures of kittens.

      What this situation boils down to is: You own a business, I own the building the business is in. You ask me to manage most of the business, and then fire me, and refuse to pay any rent on the building. I close the doors do to non payment of rent. (And some customers get irate because they can’t shop for a little while).

      If you wish your personal data removed all you have to do is contact the code owner and request your data deleted.

    2. NO..
      Seriously ?
      you did not write that

      Oh.. ? you did ?

      Wow.. You seriously need to investigate yourself.
      Ugg.. I need to put my finger down my throat

  45. Tiffany

    I am sorry to hear of all your frustration and disappointment ( I have experienced it myself with partners). The only way to have a good partnership in the future is to have a good contract, everything else is just promises that can be broken. If you are serious about building another website I would love to talk to you. I was in serious talks with investors on putting up a gambling website, my partner is a former employee of IBM and is a wiz with setting up servers. I also have been in television advertising sales for 15+ years. I think together we could make a formidable team. You can reach me at I hope to hear from you.


  46. Tiffany…. Stratosphere above HAS made a good point… (as you did in your 1st post on Where is CM…) about the too many spammers, fakes, hacks etc that have made the original CM healthy vibrant active community a fond memory.

    Perhaps this is JUST what you/we need… a break to come back fresh and reinvigorated. I for one will be waiting with patience for the turn around.

    Meanwhile know that you have the support and backing of 1000’s now and the potential of 1000’s more in the future.


    Diriamba, Nicaragua

  47. If this dispute touches in California, I can provide legal advice / representation. I’d invite you to contact me ASAP, regarding the current status of the site, etc., for reasons that will be clear when/if we speak (email, phone). My assistance is free for the moment, and if there’s a solid case we can discuss possible contingency arrangements, etc.

  48. First and foremost, I wish to congratulate you on the birth of your baby and wish her all the best for a lifetime of love, good health and happiness. I am sure that her health problems are paramount on our mind, and pray that these problems are soon behind her.

    That being said, I am also sorry to hear that your partnership situation has grown so adversarial and full of acrimony. But given the fact that you own the domain, I’m sure that it will give you the leverage you need to negotiate for a fair share of the business and /or a buyout that is more equitable. In shutting down the site, you now have your partner by the ‘short hairs’ and he will soon feel the pain of lost revenue from the advertisers. Good luck to you!

  49. Hey Tiffany,
    I too am excited about the possibility of Collarme being reborn new and improved and without all of the fakes.
    Probably too soon for a suggestion, but it would help to identify where a person logs in from to help weed out the scammers.
    Good luck and keep us informed.

  50. A bully is a coward. A bully will take advantage of the uninformed and the weak. A bully must be met with equal force and equal risk of destruction.

    I am an attorney and if you would like to talk feel free to contact me at no charge. For one thing, in California non-compete agreements for employees are not enforceable because they are against public policy. Also, one can be sued for anything even though one has not done anything wrong.

    I agree that many would pay a modest fee for a secure and intuitive site that screens out the scammers and criminals. Thanks for your service to the community and willingness to share your situation.

    Do not allow yourself to be bullied.

  51. What a bummer! Since I travel to Europe about every eight weeks or so and keep a place in Amsterdam also…well, CM was great to meet Femmes where I am traveling in Europe. It will be missed!

  52. Tiffany do you also own the trademark for CM? Because if you do you can just get someone to copy the old site and just have everyone re-register. It would also remove many of the spammers and scammers. I can help with them by directing your new tech team on how to combat them so they dont become a problem again. And also institute a better reporting system so they disappear quicker. Take care and best wishes. You know many of us are here for you. We will help you in whatever way we can. (Hugs)

  53. The guy sounds like a complete ass. I would be VERY interested if/when you start a new site. I remember what CM used to be like. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  54. CM is not gone, its under another domain now with all of our profiles and the entire data base. All you did by shutting it down was try to force all of us to fight your battle. You should have done the adult thing and gone to a lawyer for pay owed to you that wasn’t given, not make everyone else that has nothing to do with your personal battles fight your fight. I do empathize with you on what you are going through, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but I think your bitterness has clouded your judgment in this situation. A new site is up already- this should give you a huge indication that he will never do what you are trying to get all of us to badger him about doing. I’m not trying to be rude- but you didn’t think this through all the way or perhaps this is just another scam? Either way- I do wish the best for you and your child. Please find a lawyer to work with and stop making everyone else suffer for your experience.

    Thank you

    1. Could you please give me the new domain so I can get on and access messages from people who have been trying to communicate with me? I would really appreciate it.

      Please send the link to my e-mail address:

      Thank you


    2. I suddenly cannot access collar me from my mac, iPhone or iPad. I’m getting the page that it was shut down. Was I blocked from the site? I wasn’t doing anything squirly. I would think that the administrator would have contacted me. Any suggestions?

    3. please, i would love to be able to access just so i could give the new ppl i was talking to my email address, we hadent gotten that far in communicating, but this sorta escalates my time table.

  55. This is a very sad situation. And you are in a sad situation. What is the most sad part of it is that you just killed the chance to find a solution because you were too desperate. Morally very understandable, but legally the thin line is now crossed and you will eventually loose the domain name and the chance for money. Consider this a free legal advice, you need it. I feel sorry for you and you need help to overcome this. It is not too late if you act quickly. All the best!

  56. Tiffany,

    if you need hosting contact they have a pretty cheap program for the first year with unlimited traffic I believe. Check it out. Then your server problem will be resolved. If he owns the actual website because he or someone working for him coded it and you dont own it you can get a prefabricated website made very quickly. I can help you obtain that if you want as well. Just some things to think about. I want you to get some revenue as quickly as possible so that wont be as big of an issue as it is right now and so you wont accept a substandard deal from that scumbag. He’s made enough money its your turn. I think you should kick his ass out and run it all yourself. With a tech team and some volunteers it wont be a drain on your time as much as it was before.

    1. Looked at the site but where do you start on it ? and only price I have seen is $8.95 per month is that right. Would anyone like to help me on this ? contact me at

      not my main address but do have contact to it

  57. Definitely… Make a new site.. Leave him with nothing. As you pointed out, it sucks now anyway.

    Anyone who has made real connections at CM can reestablish them at the new CM. And he can sit there and enjoy his shit for brains web presence. Seriously – you’ve got dozens of offers from developers already. And now is the time to modernize anyway…

    So yea – don’t negotiate, just remind him how real estate works. I can see his new brand now “CollarMe2 – brought to you by the moron that that fucked up CM1″…

  58. We wish you and your family best of luck and to get better. This is the most important thing. helped us to find ourselves and to have our family. We hope it will bring good to yours too.
    You have our full support :)

  59. I am sorry you have to deal with anything other than your darling daughter. She is in my thoughts and I am sending positive thoughts and vibes for her to get well and thrive.

    I certainly hope the site returns asap, but I hope more than your daughter grows up healthy, strong and confident and that someday you have wonderful grandchildren from her to adore.

  60. Tiffany i am a Telecomm/network specialist and if you own the rights to Collarme i am sure if you posted on Fetlife and Facebook calling all collarme user to help you i am positive you can restore your site if you need any help finding a web provider with capacity let me know

  61. For anyone looking for me I am the same username everywhere, fet and yahoo. Get in touch with me.

    This thing about taking the site down all of a sudden just bites. So many people that are keeping in touch with others via CM. Now how will we find each other.

  62. I work in a datacenter as a Sr. Systems Engineer. There is no doubt the site created a ton of traffic but hey bandwidth is cheap and a 100 mbps pipe is common place and I would guess overkill. There is more to it then bandwidth though. I wouldn’t suggest hosting it with a “hosting company” but rather look into a co-location option.

    A quarter “Rack” of space would allow enough room for with the new converged systems solutions out there. They are blade servers, storage and switching all in one. they can be setup with incredible high availability options, failover and backup solutions.

    Add some decent security front and back and re-design the site based off some good open source solutions that are out there and update your DNS records accordingly and bang ur up and running…

    1. Not to put you down…
      But SrSysEng Dont Forget there is the ELECTRICITY of the Servers and DNS that need to be Powered and a Location for this Rack of Servers – DNS and such.
      T1 Line for Communication for amount of traffic and Video.
      That takes $.
      The Need for Equipment – One Person Hosting/Running Everyday – Electricity…
      I would be willing to Help Tiffany to get this started Again for herself and hope you would be willing to support in some way…

  63. I left one post already. I’m shocked to wake up one day and find this site that’s been here for years gone. I’m more shocked to see all the responses your getting. I’m beside myself that Tiffany hasn’t contacted any of the many IT, lawyers, web designers or anyone else that can help and start another site where she is the sole owner and administrator. I don’t think your aware of how this has affected the community. I have no negative things to say about your actions, being I’m a health care provider myself and understand the difficulties that a sick child brings and even more so to the degree that you are dealing with. But don’t over look that facts, you have every resource that would require you to start this site on your own offering you help. It’s obvious this has had a enormous impact on the community.

  64. Tiffany I just got the information about this issue on CM, for the past 5 days I had noticed “changes” on the site and was wondering and then it just quit.
    I too am sending positive thoughts and wishes to you and your daughter for her health and well being.
    I cannot send the negative thoughts to your former partner as that would just be counter productive. Lets just do as so many of those before me mentioned, gather ourselves together and help Tiffany create a better venus and work towards policing better to keep the spammers and jerks out so we who are real and enjoy BDSM and the collective body of honest persons can still have a place to talk, enjoy and seek what we desire.
    I will go to FL and look for others and hope to see others there, we should keep communicating until you Tiffany, let us know that you have re-created and have the site up that you visioned and are working toward your happiness again.
    My user name in CM was “blackDomtop69″ and in FL I am blacknsensitive. I look forward to being in contact with others. Again my best to you Tiffany.

  65. Anyone looking to keep in touch with Bladetwo from Sheffield, England, I am The_Method on

  66. I’ve always said CM could have been both a monster in the industry and a mint for the owners. The layout was well thought out and the interface easy to use. However, the failure to deal with spam/fakes, the abusive and the tourists held it back.
    If you do get it back together, I would seriously suggest it being a pay site. Even if it’s $5 a month, it would be enough make it not profitable for the mass spammers…or even a verification system…photo of a passport/official ID submitted with registration. That and some code updates. My account has been hacked a few times.

    I’ve met some really good people here. I’d hate to lose contact with them. Reach out to the community, you’ll be surprised how much support you’ll get.

    Lastly, I will keep your child in my prayers.

    1. Funny, charging will not solve the fakes or spammers. They have enough money to pay for that 5/month. And what about the other people that don’t want to spend/have the money? Want to make this an E-har-money/Dismatched site? Even those sites have fakes/spammers.

      1. Hey VanillaDom….any idea what is gonna happen to our rooms? feel free to msg me moonfyre(underscore)2000 (at) yahoo (dot) com

  67. It’s not about the site at this point. It’s about the lack of payment. I don’t feel like I was paid enough at my last job. So instead of litigation I’m just going to take down their internal network… Sounds reasonable.

  68. You own the domain, there are plenty of domain hosting places on the net that are reasonably priced, and there are as been pointed out, 1000’s of people who will back your play.

    Begin a new site, I am sure that there are people who would be more than happy to helping with the coding, the ads were fine, and I would be willing to volunteer to help where I can. I mean I am disabled and spend much of my time close to if not on the computer.

    Put out a call to those volunteers your douche bag partner chased off and rebuild.

  69. I have a couple of spare servers I would donate as a temporary solution if need be…
    My best wishes…

  70. Tiffany I appreciate watching a good kick to the balls. Good for you and protecting your interests. I had no idea about everything behind the scenes. We’ll be waiting for what you do next. Thank you for all you’ve done to connect us pervs.

    Best on your daughter’s health. What a terrible experience that needs improving.


  71. Read the comments here and you STILL have the losers complaining about the site and it’s members. If you didn’t like the site and could not deal with some of it’s members you should of taken your butts elsewhere!! Miserable losers!!

  72. It is unfortunate that some people cannot learn the art of compromise and the need to traet others fairly. it seems ones word is not good any more. I am hoping your partner comes to his senses and reaches a resonable agreement with you. This would benefit him as well as you. I can be reached at

  73. Can see many copycat websites coming trying to steal members now =/.

    I went trough quite a few messages and I do got to admit that the longer the website existed, the worst it became. In its first years I made some close friends while later on I gotten spammed and eventually even threatened by people with rape and murder and I couldn’t even do much against such members.

    I think if you would put up a donate button then almost everyone would donate to you to start a new website and let Collarme be as it is. A fresh start can be good and clearly plenty are willing to go for it together with you.

  74. I’m sorry for your troubles.

    Those that want to contact me can find me on FL for a week,

    PM me your contact info and I will be in touch.

    After one week my account there will be disabled.



  75. First, my sympathies for the situation with your daughter – that must have been a nightmare.

    Second, I think almost everyone appreciates the position in which you have been placed, and your need to take the action you have.

    Third, I agree with others that this can be a positive thing. Create a new site with better reporting facilities to remove the fakes and hookers, and it will be more successful than it ever was.


    1. Tiffany,

      I join with all the others who are so sorry to hear what you’ve been through in both your personal and business life. You built CM into a fantastic site- the best BDSM meeting site on the web. I remember back in the bad old days when the only option was alt.personals.bondage on the user groups. Please keep me on your mailing list, as I would be happy to contribute to getting a new site up and running.


  76. Perhaps this is an opportunity to start your own bigger and better website with a similar theme. Let us all know the website name here 😉

  77. For any Queen of Spade that still want to be in touch feel free to message me on Yahoo Messenger:


    Thank you!

    Good luck Tiffany!

  78. I’m so sorry to see collar me go. I really liked the site and I hope it comes back soon. to all of my contacts on cm I’m on fetlife. my name there is sweetwithakick. or you can email me at

  79. You are in a tough spot if you cannot get a copy of the code.
    Otherwise he has a huge advantage.
    All he has to do is get another domain name,
    and move the code, which can be done in a matter of days.
    You would have to write another whole web site,
    which you are well aware could take months.
    As loyal as your customers may be,
    if they can be back in their network in two days,
    rather than waiting for several months,
    you may well lose a considerable chunk of your base.
    Again, consider a PayPal account for donations
    toward healthcare treatment and legal fees.
    If anyone cares to discuss this whole ordeal,
    please email me at “”.

    1. It’s not the code she needs…. a website can be up and functioning in no time, and the old site was tired anyway. It’s the database….

    2. BS!!!! 100% of this site’s value is in the name ! Usernames are easy to recreate for all… Might lose your email, big deal.

  80. I just sent you an e-mail to the address we previously communicated on. Please contact me back. I believe we can help with your situation and bring you back online fast.

  81. I am actually happy this happened. Collarme became the wanker site of the BDSM community, replete with many “Dommes” proving they were the biggest of them all. Ads that appeared sincere eventually lead to exchanges for “donations.” Then the absurd arguments and flame wars. For those around since the days of Dalnet and IRC, this was something far less prevalent, mostly because the learning curve to understand how to connect with the community required an intelligence beyond that of most trolls. I hope a new, far more improved version emerges and keeps to its initial mission: a free, open site meant to promote both greater understanding and community and allow those of us who are sincere and not looking for prostitutes in disguise.

  82. I agree some notice would have been greatly appreciated to give those of us who chat there time to make alternative arrangements.

    Anyone who was chatting to me there can reach me using the same username on FL or yahoo messenge, though please let me have your CM username when you message me.

  83. Who’s talking a big game? Sounds like you are. Why haven’t you done it. Put up or shut up, big sh*t talker.

  84. I’m very sorry to hear all that’s happened, and I hope you are able to resolve all of these issues to your satisfaction.

    I am also very disappointed to lose contact with some of the people I have been communicating with here on Collarme. Especially one young lady who will know who she is when she reads this. She may think I’m disappointed with her, but I am not. I’m only disappointed that the events here may prevent us from contacting each other again.

    If anyone here recognizes my handle and has been communicating with me on CM, please contact me at I hope we will be able to keep communicating regardless what happens with this site.

  85. Tiffany,

    I’ve been a member of the site for probably almost as long as it has existed. I’m a kinky IT professional and work as both a consultant on the side having had clients that produced NBA, MLS, MLB and NCAA team sites among others while also working full-time as a System & Network Administrator, currently for a fairly large media company.

    I also have an underused domain name that I had planned to produce a free BDSM site but ended up not and just holding on to it so as not to compete with those already out there. As a consultant I’ve done both the administration and development of sites including very highly available auto scaling ones.

    I hate to see this resource disappear but from reading your posts I can completely agree with why you had to take such action. If you would like to continue but need additional resources feel free to contact me, you should be able to get my address from this posting as the admin. I’m a kinky perv but I do IT because it is my passion so if I can help get things back on track I would welcome the opportunity.

    While you hold the domain and can do with it as you wish, he does have the code and the database unfortunately. Which if the contract didn’t stipulate he likely has the legal rights to as the creator. What this would mean is a chance to start over and do things right from the beginning. This can seem like a daunting task but with the right resources not nearly the Mt. Everest it my seem like. With the support & understanding of the community and a good agile devops model it could iteratively be rebuilt (and likely better) in short order.

  86. Would you be so kind as to open up Coll me for 48 hours so that we can unpost pictures that we have up. Do not want them flying around Cyber space.
    Thanks in advance

  87. Thanks for the info, Tiffany.

    I wish you the best for you and your child! I hope you make a site in the near future …. though, it sounds like it will be a year out.

    Again, best wishes to you!

  88. I think its a bit ridiculous speaking I was in the middle of planning a session this weekend. I now no longer have the persons information to meet this weekend thanks to the site being down. I understand you have your differences however, figure it out behind closed doors.
    Best Regards,

  89. Sorry to hear about your situation Tiff. Sounds like your business “partner” needs his ass whipped. Are there any doms out there willing to punish this man, and teach him a lesson in the process!!!!

  90. Read ur contract!

    if u want to make money u need to employ some one or go into partnership with some one to make a better site!..

    there is always some one faster and better than you.. but if u own then u have an asset that has value.

  91. I am partners with just as many if not more sponsors that your friend was, and I can script you a new site, and bring you in revenue that you’re seeking and deserve. I’ve been in the business for a long time now, and would love to help you out

  92. It’s strange, but some people still have full access to the site whereas others are redirected to this area. I keep getting email notifications that others have been sending me messages on the site that I cannot access. Other friends of mine in real life that have profiles continue to have access to their profiles. Are others experiencing this as well? Can anyone explain this?

  93. Dear Tiffany

    Being an RN first allow me to express my thoughts to You with Your daughter. And yet, to work….amazing and You must be truely strong. Remember day to day life is MOST important and while some of us allowed C/me to be part of that, we can survive.
    I have been with you for 10 years.My D/s life began on aol and blossomed to R/t. Of late I have become disillusioned with those who really have no clue, or who do not know themselves. You could do nothing about that. Many would say, Go to FetLife. I tried, however being 60 I am not computer savvy. I stayed with YOu. Thankfully to those i truly cared about on here, i reached out slowly with another email or phone
    Remember good things can come from change and when ONE DOOR CLOSES often a better one Opens!
    1. Take care of Yourself and Your family first and those You love. NOTHING IF MORE IMPORTANT
    2. EVerything else comes after the above..
    3. Breathe deep, and remember what my first R/t Master taught me…..Baby steps. It is about the journey, not the destination
    Big hug….susan

  94. For All those looking for “MumMumDad” or “makeUpregnant” We have moved to: as have very many others
    Our new name is Triple Owner3 so look for Us
    Sincerest sympathies to Tiffany and All those affected

  95. i will miss this website very much. Hopefully, it will be back up soon. i don’t think they’eres much point in leaving it down forever. Hopefully the people involved can negotiate some kind of solution.

  96. Tiffany, I have been a loyal CM person for a number of years and I love it. So anything you decide to do, I will follow you, not as a sub mind you lol, but as a loyal collarme member

  97. Hi Tiff

    my thoughts are with you and your daughter. my friends can reach me on fetlife on Lionheart2312.

  98. Tiffany,

    Sorry to hear about your daughter. That is hard to deal with even without external distractions.

    If you get a new site up, I hope you will post the info here, or by email (are you building a list?) I will certainly give it a try.

    However, in fairness, I am withholding final judgment for now pending info from both sides. Why? Because several years ago, I went through a similar experience. Three of us, 2 Dom M and 1 sub F, were building an adult business with several websites. We worked together for over two years with no contracts or legal paperwork (I know, dumb, as you are now finding out.)

    One day, without warning, the other male partner tried to shanghai the entire business. We spend weeks in defensive mode trying to defend the business and counter all his shitty tricks. We finally got it done permanently, or he just gave up, not sure which.

    However, the damage had been done, the momentum lost, and we were never able to get it back. She still owns all the domains, but they are currently inactive. I guess you could say there were NO winners.

    Anyway, good luck to you in the future. As I said, if you get something going again I will try it again. But your first obligation is to your daughter. I understand that. Any jerks who don’t are self-absorbed a**@#$&* and I hope they don’t find out about your new site.

    All the best, either way.


  99. Hi Tiffany,

    I hope this note finds you and your family – especially your daughter! – doing better!!!

    Like someone above commented, your “partner” has some advantage but (and I actually do this for a living as well – both as a CTO for a healthcare company and with two membership based websites of my own) the domain name is the most important thing.

    What you should do, if you can’t get any of the data – the user database for instance that has all the contacts, or email database – then you should, as soon as possible, put up a site that allows your users to re-register – and to put it up NOW so as they come along they can do it right away.

    This is the best way for you to capture your user base in your very own database then build the site from there.

    I would be happy to help….to show you my member communities…could throw one up and having it taking information in a day!

    Once you have your user base, and their email addresses, then you can take a bit of a breather and just put together another site – and if you think it’s hard, or you’re partner sold you a bill of goods on a bunch of tech BS, it’s not that hard 😉

    Write me at the email address I gave and I would be more than glad to help out – at least in throwing up a site to capture your user base information – you need that! :)

    Best of luck with EVERYTHING!

  100. I empathise with your issues, but some certainty would be good, the site is available, then unavailable, the its back, then gone again, shut it down or let it go please, 1 or the other.
    While up we scramble to message those who we want to keep contact with, only to find that by the time it takes to write a hopefully seen message, that the site is off again
    I hate to sound selfish as its not my nature but you both should understand that a site like this is far beyond a single pair and the issues that reside between them.
    Anyway good luck in your fight for control

  101. I’d like his balls on a platter! No doubt the site was riddled with fakes, but for me, it was about keeping a journal. Posting stories. Being an informant. Attempting to set the newbies on a path where they can feel more comfortable with themselves and what they seek. Now, all of that work, that writing from my own personal experience, is gone.

  102. I totally agree with you and I second the many suggestyions of running this yourself.. If you own the domain, change the password at godaddy, OR change it to another webhost.. The individual Rick Smith is a possible idea and should yu need assistance I have website design and maintenance experience.

    Lord Ravn

  103. I have moved to fetlife….. although I’m already not liking it. same name friends! message me and friend me <3 lilmynxred

  104. I am a lawyer and it sounds like you have the making of a pretty goof lawsuit. If you need any advice feel free to contact me. More importantly I wish you and your family health and happiness

  105. miss ebony here, kinkygirl26 from collarme, been a member for many years, was shocked to see this message, hope it can all be resolved soon, not sure how much help i could be but the offer is there,, good luck with your daughters help too.

    set up a gofund me account so everyone who wants to can donate. x

  106. While my heart goes out to you and the troubles you have had and the health of your baby girl (that is terrible news), that doesn’t change the fact that you have handled this horribly. The first thing you should have done at the sign of trouble, at the sign of insufficient payment, at any of the myriad signs that showed this was going to go south was get legal support.

    Now you have taken the ‘I’m taking my ball and going home’ approach. while it may be justified, it was highly inappropriate. I’m sure you have many sympathizers here, but you’ve also alienated a large number of people.

    I’m interested to see how things play out.

  107. Tiffany;

    Sorry for your troubles and especially the condition of your daughter. It’s been a pleasure using the site the last few years and on behalf of myself and all the others who feel the same, I wish you a speedy resolution to your legal matters and profound well being of your daughter.


  108. Tiffany,

    I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I can’t believe that anyone that considered you their good friend would be so unsympathetic about what you and your husband were going through emotionally. But then again people that you trust often turn their backs when things are rough.

    I do hope that you are able to relaunch the site again as it did have some really wonderful people. Any social network will have those that are not genuine but when you take the time to weed through them there are some really good ones that simply want to connect with other kinky folks.

    As a community I do hope this can be worked out so that we can all be linked together again.

    Take care and please don’t be afraid to reach out to those of us that genuinely care.

    Warmest wishes to you and your family.

    Kristyna Dark

  109. Well, maybe better to start over, the entire site has been over run by spammers and fakes anyway. Maybe better to implode the entire thing and start from scratch and put some controls on it based on IP address for registration purposes.

  110. Sadly, I don’t see why any notice couldn’t have been given for at least a week. I probably would have seen about building a new site then just flipping the switch to the new one instead of just shutting it down. And i had just started chatting with someone who I think may have actually been real and now shes lost.. oh well I guess…

    Hopefully this gets worked out in the next day or so.

  111. I can’t believe these F$%kwited people who are trying to direct collarme members to their own websites and profit from Tiffany’s plight. Take a good look at yourself you scumbags. You are as bad as the partner that screwed Tiffany over.

    I wish you well Tiffany, I can see some legit offers to host, its a shame you don’t have access to the databases. The value of collarme though is in the domain recognition…There are loads of ways you can get something up and running fast, although I know you have far more important things on your mind!!!

    I have seen communities go down losing their database before, and they DO recover, if it comes back up again fast enough….

  112. Best wishes and prayers for your beautiful daughter and I am so sorry you had this terrible experience but I only wish the best for you.

  113. “As far as giving notice. I wish I could have. See, he has the servers, the actual code. I don’t have access to any of that which is why this is a wordpress blog. He had notice and he could have given notice or worked to resolve it with me but he didn’t.”

    The fact that he has the servers and code is 100% irrelevant to the issue of warning users – at the very least, you could have simply posted a notice in the forums. Imperfect, certainly, as not all users would have been warned, but it would have been better than nothing. You made the decision to do this, fine; but own your choices – don’t try to pretend you couldn’t have given users a warning that the site was about to vanish, perhaps forever, taking their contacts and burgeoning relationships with it.

  114. Just remember, everyone — we’re only hearing one side of the story. If/when the site comes back, let’s not all jump on the other cofounder based simply on the allegations of someone with a business disagreement. There’s likely two sides to this story and wrongdoing on both sides.

  115. I understand completely. Sorry I have lost contact with friends in the meantime. Some of those friends know how to contact me in other ways–but still I have had very good contacts through collarme. Im sorry things happened this way–but I do understand the business of it—hang tough Tiffany.

  116. This think this is ridiculous. I think you should go to court and use the legal avenues that are available to you. Solve your disputes like any other business does. You make money off this site because advertisers pay you so members will but stuff from them. In fact you make money off members. McDonald’s, Wall-Mart, Trump Tower and every other business out there would not just close their doors to customers because the owners had a legal issues. All you will accomplish is to drive this business into the ground and your interest in it will lose value.

    I am sure some other smart entrepreneur will make a similar website, and you will no longer have any members to support it. Your advertisers will look elsewhere. Sorry Tiffany this was a VERY BAD business move.

  117. Tiffany…. just to let you know I’ve been reviewing OTHER sites and NONE match the ease, cleanliness, user FRIENDLY features that I enjoyed on CM over the years under various profiles.

    I hope than when (not IF 😉 ) you bring back up the next version of CM you keep a similar format (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE avoid scrolling tickertape images of top10, 20 etc members, or at least place the banner where if doesn’t distract from the search results or even better provide a means to turn it off!).

    It’s been awhile since I had a look at other sites out there and I am only just now realizing how we were spoiled with CM’s layout and functionality.


  118. First, best wishes to your daughter and yourself. Secondly, as soon as you are able to, create a new site. I know I’d go to a good site like you’d run instead of going back to the joke that your partner let CM become.

    Keep the chin up and stay positive!

  119. Tiffany,

    You have my gratitude , sympathy and respect.

    I’m appalled at how you’ve been treated, I applaud that you made a stand — and in so extreme a context, I consider your actions to be eminently reasonable and justified.

    I wish you and your daughter much health and happiness.


  120. I have the software you would need to start the new site you would need a programmer to do the customizations. Contact me to discuss options for you to get the software including potential revenue share from site once up. Software is on a beta site right now for testing will respond to your email with links and additional info.

  121. Nooo!!! I’ve had my account for years! So what now? Is there a way to recover or access any of our old CM information? I am a bit of a technophobe and I don’t really understand this ‘domain’ stuff. If there is indeed another site storing our profiles, friends lists, etc. will someone please drop me a note at my FL account (ModestGoddess) and let me know how to find it??? Thank you and cyberhugs for Tiffany. <3

  122. Tiffany,

    My compassion goes out to you for what has been done to you and is still going on. The site is down. It’s sad. But not as sad that someone you called your friend is doing this, or that anyone who read your passage would turn around and still fret about the site being down.

    Having had a friend like this once in my lifetime… get away. Count your losses, and start over. This person has not worked with you amicably, and probably never will. Do your own thing girlfriend! I’m sure you can find the right person to link up with who will treated you fairly and with respect.

  123. Tiffany I am so sorry to hear about your troubles with your very precious daughter. I am furious to hear about how you have been treated by your “friend” and partner in such a difficult and worrisome time. Your priorities now are with your baby and that’s understandable but I do hope you are able to resolve the business end of this because it seems you have devoted a great deal of your time and energy into building this site. I hope there is some way those of us who would like to continue on a future site of YOURS, that we could perhaps email you and reserve our previous usernames, so that we don’t lose contact with acquaintances from the other site. Wishing you all the best as you resolve this.

  124. Join there is a collarme group there pls join us there to keep connections to each other. Collarme has a good part in my life so for old collarme members rejoin and rebuild our world.

    when signing up kindly put my id number who refer you to FDS

    Mistressstarley MADAMME of FDS . :)

  125. You mentioned something about ‘him’ and about ‘notice’, but you were vague. Are we too assume there is a divorce or custody battle going on? If so, what has this directly to do with the site being down? Why do CM users need to (kind of) know about your personal life, or your ex’s? I hope the site is up and running soon. Good luck.

  126. I see my previous posts have been removed so you can continue your one sided argument. The phrase cyber terror comes to mind when someone like Tiffany posts and removes any opposing opinions. We all feel for your story but we should get to hear the other side. In the mean time, quit holding our social outlet hostage . Being the domain owner, you may be liable for damages for denying services.

  127. I really do wish that we had been given notice as members because I have a bunch of personal journals on my page that I now don’t have access to. If I had notice I could have copied them prior to shutting us down. My question to you is if the site is reestablished will our profiles have all our pics n journals still there? If not I need to know how to get copies of them along with phone numbers in my mail. I live in b.f.e Texas so I don’t have access to internet at my house so I do everything by my cell phone that’s why I don’t have copies of my journals.if anybody reading these comments knows me and are friends of mine on please contact me at my email As for Tiffany I am sorry that you got screwed by your friend as I’m sure that really hurt you but I am really sorry about your daughter I will keep her in my prayers that she gets well I can live a full happy and healthy life.

  128. Tiffany,

    Thank you for providing a very valuable service! As a service user I must confess that I hadn’t considered what kind of effort goes into developing, maintaining, and improving a social networking website like cm.

    While it saddens me that I will not be able to use the site for the activities that have become so important to me, I am also so very grateful for everything you have done to “enable” many of us who have come to depend on the wonderful resource you have allowed us to share.

    Please accept my heartfelt thanks and deepest gratitude for helping me to discover and be who I am. I hope this issue is resolved in your favour and that you receive your fair entitlement!

    With heartfelt thanks,


  129. Wow. Sorry to not only read about your story, Tiffany, but some of the harsh responses to it as well. I won’t comment much on what you’re going through, since there are two sides to every story. But I think you may want to contact a lawyer ASAP and go in for their free initial consult even if you don’t opt for litigation. By taking down the site you may have opened yourself up to more legal trouble. I wish nothing but the best for you though. Good luck with everything.

    For those *whom I was already in contact with*, I’m now on FetLife, under TexasDomme. If you’re going to contact me there, use your CM name somewhere in your message so I know who you are.

  130. Tiffany,

    From what you wrote about the circumstances and your daughter issues, I know things have been tough.
    But all of these things could end by few actions you could take.
    I’m talking specially and specifically about your daughter illness.
    I know things that could turn all of this issue to a better one… and yes I’m talking about the “illness” part.
    please try to contact me as soon as possible and I could give you things that I swear.. it will help :) .
    take care and be fine :)
    marto_marto100 @


  131. Tiff… interesting to finally learn who the Wizard is… the fact this guy toyed with you while you own the domain says it all… haha … if I were you I tell him to keep his code and I’ll take my domain… 100% of the site value is ‘in the name’… once you xfer control of it you will loose all power… keep it until AFTER all obligations are met – otherwise you will have to rely on the government – as long as you have the domain – you’re ‘on top’ 😉 – again I would never turn over the name – let him keep his crap code

  132. I’d recommend starting a Kickstarter campaign or use another adult-friendly fundraising option if they don’t permit it. You’d have a lot of donations, likely enough to hire people to start up a new site. Very smart business sense to register the domain in your name. I hope things are resolved in for your business and your family’s struggles.


  133. My thoughts and prayers to you Tiffany and your family. You did what you needed to do. Hopefully everyone can join together to rebuild CM good again.

    Mistress Danzerlace

  134. Please stop fighting and release the website to someone that will be responsible to manage it properly. If you don’t want to manage it then sell it to someone that wants to.

    I am surprised to find it just gone without any notice. Now, I am out if touch with people I had been interested in without any way of reaching them again.

    We all have stories about our lives that could make each other cry. To make thousands of people pay for your sad story is not cool.

    If you can’t be responsible for your life, your choices, your business dealings and balance everything then don’t blame it on everyone else. Being a victim if life will never get you anywhere. Look for where you can be responsible for making poor and unclear agreements and then put in what was missing. Sell it or get a lawyer!

    Please return the site to our community and be a victim somewhere else.

    With all the love to be straight!
    Sad Story!

  135. Hello,
    I am very sorry to hear that CM is down. Tiffany, I hope that you figure out this issue and get CM back up and running and restored to its former glory! Your family situation is more important and I hope that everything works out for you and your daughter as well!
    I would not mind paying a membership fee as well to weed out the fakes and it would help you with site expenses and any litigation expenses.
    Be well everyone!

    If anyone needs to contact me. My email:
    Miss Alyssa (takeyourpride)

  136. for those who care, i dont know how but i still getting messages from people on CM<

    so those who are really interested in talk to me can write to my email

    my CM id was mstr4richslaves

    i left a previous comment and still tiff you can make a FB group where ALL of us, the real ones can join and hear from you and find a solution together.

  137. I hope everything works out for you Tiffany, it is a shame your friend did that to you. I hope he sees the outreach of the people here and does what is right.

  138. First off Tiffany I do feel bad for everything that has happened and the struggles you have been through. I also wish the very best for your daughter and can only hope her health increases exponentially.

    However you were a part of a business/organization and just because someone is not pulling their weight and owning up to a contract does not mean to shut down the company. You need to think about your consumers/customers in this situation. I have to agree with Dan from above on this one. You do need to fight this because you have been wronged and deserve proper treatment and compensation but shutting down the website has jeopardized our personal information such as descriptions as well as locations and interests. It has also blocked any contacts of friends, or partners of which CollarMe was the only to message. Now those of us who have no way to message back may never have the ability to reconnect with lost contacts. Like I said before you do need to fight him in court because you deserve better but bringing thousands of other peoples lives down with you because you cannot maintain your personal drama as well as a bussiness partnership is not the right way to do it.

    I wish and hope you the best of luck with your situation as well as getting CollarMe back online!

  139. This site will be missed. FL is full of trolls and in my little ageplay community is horrible. Here I found people more accepting and friendly. The FL caretakers are horrible human beings that only cater to the K&P models and care little for the average user. This site was what I wanted in a community. Please bring it back or bring us a better site. As you can see several people are willing to help you build a better community.

  140. Its about time you get what u deserve. A sex website who employs a outside company to lure people in. That and your NAZI chat administrators. Your site is a joke and a black eye to BDSM. Good riddance!

  141. Dear Tiffany,

    We never had any contact, in fact I never knew who is behind this website.
    When I found out that Collarme was not working anymore, I was disappointed. Of course, Collarme was not the same website as when I found it. But still I had a few interesting contacts there.
    After reading your story, I am surprised that it did not happen earlier.

    I read a lot of the other comments, of people who want to help, and support. As I am not in the USA, and not in websites, I dont think I can be of any assistance there.

    But, from my side I wish you all the best, for you your family, and for the business. I am convinced that things will turn for the good again.

    Thanks for all the good work in the past, and hope to find new work again, soon.


    You didn’t deserve even a single part of it… And i never knew about the origins of collarme..

    But now when i know it.. U deserved a lot better…

    But i have a little suggestion..

    # continue to remain a good person, which you already are. People do bad.. But dont let it affect your life.. Forgive them and move on. I know forgiving them is tough.. But, that is for ur peace of mind..

    # You have done it once, succeeded. Only you knew how to successfully run collarme… Hell, you can do it again… And again… And again…

    # Everyone is praying for you… Hold on to their belief… Sunshine is just around the horizon..

    # I am not from US, but still.. I want to help you build a new site… I might not be having the expert knowledge.. But yes, i can code good.. I dont want even a single penny in return.. This is for the beautiful little soul that you are so lucky to have..

    I hope you read this..

  143. if any of my subbies wanna find me on fetlife i’m PrincessMattie
    tell me who you are when you message me

  144. Take this paranoid misogynistic deadbeat of a control freak to the cleaners. He has to support his daughter by law, perhaps a little jail time will sort him out.

    Stick it to him good girl file a paternity suit against this deadbeat, best of luck to you and your daughter

  145. Hello Tiffany, I’m sorry to hear about your daughter and hope shes doing ok as i hope for the same yourself as i can understand what you’re going through,

    I myself have been on collarme for well over a decade and very sad to see it go as i have found some wonderful friends.

    My brother in law is very proficient in web development and has been for many yrs. I could contact him and see if he would be interested in helping you create your vision.
    if you would like to get in contact with me directly Tiffany you can.

    if anyone would like to get in contact my username on CM was Kidnapperofwomen and you can get me on
    or on my fetlife account, Kidnapper1978
    please get in touch petTina and TortureGimp247.

    I really hope things get better for you Tiffany.

  146. Hi
    I read your story and I understand completely what you are saying.
    I do believe I know a way in which I may be able to get the information you are looking for, please contact me
    kindest regards

  147. Hello Tiffany, i am Elena the gypsy girl who hate me, and i ask myself allways why you hate me and invented many lies about me.
    I hope your daughter is fine, important in life is not
    Only your daughter because need love and care about she.
    Take care your daughter and i hope life the show must go on.
    Elena&Master C.

  148. I hate to say it but my attitude is kind of ‘good riddance.’ First, it was easy for hackers to get into accounts because you could not use these types of symbols: !@#$%^&* for your password. WTH.

    Second, 85% of the women were asking for money. The folks who ran the site didn’t seem to care.

    It was a money-making scheme and now it’s gone. Oh well. Now I’m motivated to look elsewhere.

  149. I had no idea about who was behind CM.

    Tiffany… ? My heart reaches out to you.
    If my comment is buried beneath ten thousand others then so be it but I have to say how much I am moved.
    Please know that I, and no doubt thousands like me, are moved by your predicament and wish you the best.
    Good luck on your child’s future too.

  150. If it helps get rid of all the fake robot profiles of people trying to get you to send them money, it will all be worth it.

    1. do you think it will work, Max?

      I wonder… when did you discover the site was down?


  151. I’m truly sorry to hear of your troubles, especially those concerning your child, and hope that you find the solutions you seek. I wish to say a thing or two about CM, just so you know what my impressions were and are.
    First, the simplicity of the site and the black-on-white format was never an “issue” for me. CM was my very first exposure to an online kink community, and I learned many things about kink, myself, and what I was seeking by using it. I truly could not care less about fancy screen displays! I viewed CM as a resource, not a source for entertainment.
    Second, I eventually came to loathe CM for one simple reason… mean people suck! I’m not talking about the fakes and scammers out there, because those types are everywhere, and CM is no exception. No, I’m talking about the supposedly “real Dommes”, and the overwhelming number of them whose profiles read like a sociopath’s manifesto… with a twist of schizophrenic male-hating rage thrown in for good measure. Any young submissive male who is new to kink and sees those profiles will most likely need therapy of some kind… and a GPS tracker to help them relocate their self-esteem. Because of these “Mean Girls”, I now use FL almost exclusively; but I have kept my CM profile active, just so I can keep an eye on the “crazies” nearest to me.

    I wish good health for you and your child, and I hope that your business plans are successful.

  152. All right Tiffany, you crashed this site, which, with its faults, is still one of only 3 actual bdsm dating and social networking sites. And yes, the sex industry has penetrated it.
    Why would anyone believe your story, written from the view of “the victim” about her “victimization?” The probability that this scenario actually exists is so far below 1% that simply accepting it on its face , like so many here are, shocks me to realize the level of reality-testing that does not exist among our community. Good lord, in the People Exchanging Power world we live in–that old movie star from Ronnie and Monkey at least knew his intellectual limitations to figure out the truth among the chaos–“Trust but verify!”
    With her own unverifiable story of woe–Tiffany herself uses remote percentages of how “unusual” her plight is. At the end of the day, she is asking us to believe that CollarMe is down because of a Perfect Storm of neonatal biological disaster, Cinderella-like work conditions, marketing insanity by her partner, a complete lack of legal options and the falling out of epic proportions between the “Bill Gates and Paul Allen” version of BDSM entrepeneurs.
    I am sure that someone credible in the world of internet freedom [certainly Larry Flint, Drudge or even a sister organization like Fetlife or]—-could have been enlisted to tell the neutral view of your story in a way that is was credible and did not shoot a torpedo into the internation communications of the most unempowered sexual minority–our BDSM world.
    Come on Tiffany–you paint a scenario with the probability of so much less than 1% that it exists–even you must know you need a credible advocate to put your story before us. Until you do, all we have before us is the behavior we can actually see and feel in our lives. Maybe its not the Verizon of international BDSM communications–but you at least dismantled the Sprint system for no verified reason.

    1. could someone suggest another site other than fetlife. If there are only three what three are you speaking of?

    2. Somewhere, Kevin Mitnick is laughing his balls off at this social engineering experiment and the response generated by unsubstantiated claims. 2600 ftw!

  153. Well what a fine kettle of fish this dirt bag put you in!

    As I can echo others My wife and I have been around for a Very long time, At least 5 years. You could definitely see when you left or were involved. You take care of your daughter and everything she needs, we will all be here for Collarme’s Triumphant rebirth!!! Clean this maggots clock! So sick of the users and liars in the world! Seriously We should be above this by now!! Peace and One love! DragonNphoenix

  154. Thank you for telling us what’s going on. I hope everything gets worked out for you and your daughter soon, as well as the legal and financial issues you’re dealing with. :)

  155. Hallo Tiffany,
    for me it is kind of hard to comprehend, why you shut down the site in an instant! – despite the very tragic and difficult experiences in your family and business with Collarme, about which I care and keep in mind – should it be true what you have told the people here; it leaves space for speculations, why the site is on a sudden missing.

    Anyhow where is my intimate personal data now? Who else might want to make a use or business fromt it? The NSA or who?
    I live far away from the USA and I had one facial photo of myself in there, yet did not get to know anyone by the website in real since the time I was in anyhow – and still it angers me, that you did not inform the users in an appropriate way, so that they could have reacted appropriately.


    1. I agree Samuel, I had a number of photos on my profile and personal details………………………… I would like to know what is going to happen.

    1. thanks for the truth – we still love you and wish you the best. the truth will set you free. damn that bugger to hell, i chat to my overseas boyfriend on this forum. hugs. xx

  156. Hi, if you need experienced programmers…. well i can help. I loved collarme and most of the people… even knowing that some “watchers” had tiranic tendences. You know: power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.


    Without wishing to take anything away from your personal predicament, for which I sincerely hope everything is resolved to your satisfaction and in a timely fashion, may I request that those who wish to re-connect with Me, do so by leaving a contact email address.

    Good luck in the future Tiffany, and best wishes to your family.

    1. Hello Ma’am,

      girl would please like to reconnect with You. Reach me on

      krysie x

  158. I find this very interesting because most contracts call for arbitration/mediation before litigation and a contract of this type would most likely have this stipulation. So what happened here? Did the arbitration result in anything or did you skip that part of the contract? Were there stipulations on ending the contract for either of you if certain things were to occur? Anytime there is a contract it is used to protect both parties and smart attorneys would have an out clause and if finances were a consideration in this, as litigation is very costly, it would be foolish not to have these stipulations.

    Adding the drama of a child this other party isn’t responsible for without proof of negligence or breach, other than your statement, could be gaining sympathetic ground of persuasion by use of public airing of a legal case in which many contracts forbid.

    This all sounds very vindictive and foolhardy to me. Are you sure, you aren’t working a form of extortion here? I don’t think this will go well for you. It is apparent that you are the registrant of the domain, but ‘he’ has everything else. Your ‘power’ so to speak is that you had control of the domain.

    If you worked on the advetising as you say, I wonder if you were responsible for an ad during the time you claim to have been in charge of this that angered the members of Collarme. That was when many got ad blocks after posting on threads about them and how horrible it was to have the sounds of sexual activity blasting from a pop up while visiting the site. That contributed to a loss of many members as I recall. I also remember that for many years things hadn’t been smooth sailing and if you were in charge at any time in the last six years, I wouldn’t call that flourishing.

    Whenever I hear one party blame the other party without much blame on their own part and see things such as this, I know something isn’t right and I would bet my next month’s income that something isn’t quite how it’s been presented.

    While I wish your daughter wellness and it is hard to hear about how the little one must suffer, I still have questions that I would need answered before I condemned a man that could be dealing with an angry woman that could have elaborated for dramatic affect and this story I question very seriously.

  159. Here’s a hint on the “up to 48 hours for DNS changes to take effect” to make changes happen much more quickly.

    If you know you’re going to be changing your domain soon, change your DNS server setting for your domain’s TTL, or Time-To-Live value to a low number, like 10 minutes. Most hosting companies give you a control panel that allows you to edit this value.

    TTL controls how long the various name servers around the internet will store your DNS information before refreshing it from your domain’s main (authoritative) server. Normally, domains don’t change that often, so it’s fine to leave it to a high number — like 24 or 48 hours. When you know you’re going to change it in the next day or two, set it low (like 5 or 10 minutes), so when you DO change it, the changes propagate around the internet much more quickly.

    Best of luck Hon :)

  160. why took down collar me why did this and no reson for this is best site you took dow isn’t far to lot my friends and why did this wasn’t farok

  161. Dear Tiffany
    Do not give up ! We stay tuned for the rebirth of Collarme.
    Warmest regards
    from far away Switzerland

  162. darling,

    go for it – keep the domain, make a new site and do it right.

    good luck to you and your family.

  163. Tiffany,
    Since there is simply no way for you to expect all of us to believe all of your side of events, though they may be completely true or completely false–you simply have to have a credible third party to take over what is becoming bogged down in either a level of maternal handwringing not seen since Days of Our Lives went belly-up, or believing you are wielding a censorship threat not seen since Larry Flint was gunned down. Neither of course are close to the truth–but our community can create damn fine theatre on the spur of the moment–and that is what this is evolving into.
    A thought:
    How about taking your story and needs to the National Center for Sexual Freedom? Let them do nothing more than corroborate your story and issue press releases to that effect. Perhaps that will draw your partner out with his story and an attempt to start talking through NCSF or an ally.
    Perhaps, since they are the strongest thing we have for a national advocacy group, it would advance them in that role and give all of us some breathing room from this grass roots mess of trying to use our community of Ren Faire devotees, dungeon dwellers and every fetish in between as an organized political pressure tool!. Talk about a cluster*u*k!

    Thanks for considering moving this conflict to the only organization we have as a intra-group mediator.

  164. I left a partial response earlier but being on a iphone could not complete it are even see properly what I was typing because things were overlaying were I was typing the words.

    TIffany has told a heart wrenching story. There may well be merits to that story. Equally there may be deliberate attempts to justify a selfish and repugnant set of irresponsible and irrational female actions Men and women do think differently and that is usually so both genders can complement each other equally.

    I am not going to judge her because I am not in possession of all the facts and so therefore cannot.

    There are at least two sides to every story and we have not heard and may never hear her former partners side. When a relationship breaks down there often occurs vindictive actions from all parties concerned. There are usually faults on all sides.

    She has painted a saintly picture of how wonderful she is and what she alone has apparently done to enhance the business. Some of it may well be true, but I doubt that it is all true.

    I have experience of collarme that is both positive and negative. There is nothing more dangerous than a women scorned even if she is the perpetrator and not the victim. I first joined back in 2002. Back then one had too wait 24 hours before one could write a profile and also there were other wait times.

    The website frequently went down without warning and at other times it was slow. One could send a message and because it was slow in sending it repeated that message several times over in the recipients mailbox, Some completed messages got deleted in transmission so the recipient got a blank message. The personal chat feature had many problems. Many of the moderators appeared to be chosen because of their personal bigotry and prejudice. Many accounts could not be viewed by other members even though they had not been hidden. If a person joined in a discussion in the forums are posted a message themselves a group of nasty bastards would deliberately pick holes in it and cause a flame war. The moderators removed the victim from the forums but permitted the perpetrators of the flame wars to remain and continue their destructive practices. Often these people were friends of are even former moderators. The moderators took sides with the perpetrators. They never asked questions to ascertain who was responsible but just removed people from the forums. Various warnings were put on the website about the various scams yet collarme did nothing to prevent such scams and indeed actually encouraged a number of them. The legal warning many people copied about not permitting this are that concerning their profile was patently useless and not legally binding are enforceable. Very few people knew who owned the website. Rumor had it that it was a male lawyer. Has the advertizing became more and sophisticated so to did the number of times the website was down to accommodate the necessary changes. More pro doms and fin domes appeared using collarme has a free advertising space. The west african scamers also got in on the act pretending to be are sell slaves as a means to get your bank account and more. Over time 95% of the membership consisted of such online criminals and associated parasite time wasters. Few people would respond with more than a single sentence response to anything, many were increasingly rude and verbally aggressive without cause, profanity and obscenity prevailed over good manners and courtesy.

    Far from being the well run website that she boasts it was frankly the opposite and developed a rather negative reputation often blogged about on the internet. To be fair many other lifestyle websites encountered similar problems because the self same parasites and criminals joined every known lifestyle website on the internet and many had hundreds of different profile names on each website and multiple locations from multiple proxy servers. So collarme was not run has efficiently has she likes to pretend. There was room for improvement.

    She also paints herself has being some lovable and trusting, gullible idiot and she is obviously nothing of the kind. She is intelligent and manipulative. To accept such small sums and a minority share in the business for so little financial return beggers belief. It goes beyond feelings of love and loyalty to a partner lover. She knew what she was going and why.

    I stated earlier that there are two and more sides to every story and we have not heard his and may never do so. I believe there are faults on both sides. Her decision to pull the plug on her ownership of the domain will inconvenience people who will go elsewhere. It will also only serve to harm the reputation of a already disreputable website.

    She has explained much and done so eloquently and articulately. This demonstrates her obvious intellect. It does not hide the fact that she may well have acted in a irrational and vindictive way that is sadly common among women scorned. She has played the goody two shoes and my sick baby cards to act has a defense for her actions. She alone made decisions, be they good are bad to work full time elsewhere and devote less time to collarme. I cannot say that I noticed any improvements at any time to do with her arrival are departure. Even though I did not know of her existence . Collarme has not been well run, no matter who has run it. Sure it has attracted advertising revenue and a captive market for advertisers but it has still not been a well run business. It is outstripped by many rivals though they too have their own management style issues. No business is perfect and the policies are dictated by the personalities that run that business.

    She has gained nothing except causing a temporary annoyance to her former partner and a temporary loss of revenue because the advertisers will be seeking compensation. Her actions will be largely forgotten within weeks, except has a conversation topic on the lines of ‘Do you remember that time when collarme was offline because that women etc’

    Some men can be absolute bastards and some women absolute bitches. Most of us fall somewhere in between. None of us are perfect though many delude themselves perfection exists, but like infinity can never be reached has the goalposts constantly move. She may feel that she is justified in her action. Her story may well be completely true. Only she and her partner and a few close confidants actually know.

    I for one do not bemoan the situation and like others can go elsewhere. Collarme will go from bad to worse but will recover. If he was the obnoxious bastard she painted him out to be then fair enough he is outed for what he is. Frankly though, if she was so bloody indespensable to the operation and success of the business and he was so reliant upon her then why cut off his nose to spite his face and risk loosing the business? There is far more to this than she is letting on and he has not yet responded. to have his say. Was she is devoted submissive partner? Has he found another Woman? Has she found another man? Has that Man from Warwickshire, England once wrote in the late 1500s, There are more things in heaven and earth horatio than are dreamed of in your philosophy’ are some such similar words.

    1. “Her actions will be largely forgotten within weeks, except has a conversation topic on the lines of ‘Do you remember that time when collarme was offline because that women etc’”


  165. While I am devastated by CM going down, I have to say that I agree with this blogger.

    It is NEVER a good idea to post personal problems for public view and especially when those problems involve others. It gives the other a stick with which to beat the poster and also has the effect of angering them, making it extremely difficult for a recconciliation to occur.

    While I appreciate and am grateful for all the work done by this lady in providing one of the best fetish based chat sites online, I am deeply saddened by the fact that I can now see very little hope of her obtaining the cooperation of her partner, with a view to getting the site up and running.

    As things now stand, I second the option of selling the site as being the most likely solution.

  166. Hello Tiffany,

    I support you completely. I’m an IT geek! If you require any assistance with just ask.

    Kind Regards,


  167. As Collarme is back under a different name already for a few hours , you should see how much support you will get and how much people will close their account!!

    kind regards and best of luck

  168. Hi Tiffany
    I’m a mother and grandmother so i can say there is nothing more important than family and especially the health of your daughter. Concentrate on doing what needs to be done offline and don’t let this grind you down

  169. Kudos & Good luck to you Tiffany,
    Your not losing anything by the action that you have taken but he has been exposed, and you have showed who has concern for CM users.
    Most CM users have profiles elsewhere e.g. Fetlife, as for the authenticity of your account of the events, I personally do not feel that someone would got to such lengths to fabricate a child’s illness, you owed no one anyone explanation of your actions but the fact that you have had the good grace to post this page and offer an explanation speaks volumes in my book (which, to be fair is the only on that really matters)

    To be honest I find this type of scandal delicious :-)
    I wish you well, kindly add my email to your mailing list for future purposes.

    The evergraceful
    Dee Dom

  170. Wish you all the best Tiffany – pity you guys have to fight in the open but at times it can’t be helped.

    May all go well for both of you and for us users.

    Friends looking for me just click on my name to find me again.

    Good weekend to all.

  171. So sorry it has come to this. I hope the matter gets resolved to everyone’s liking. I do not stand in judgement.
    Prayers on smoke (Native thing) for you and your daughter!
    Anyone wishing to contact me, I’m on Fetlife under the same name and hope to open an account on Society 31, again under same name.

  172. I can appreciate the gravity and seriousness of the situation for all of us who are invested in this site one way or another. The question is where do we go from here? We need to figure it out, lend support on whatever level and start over if we have to. We can blog forever and nothing will change. I love the site, but all things change. Maybe it’s time………………….

  173. A one who has been a member since the early days i am blown away by all i have read so far… not only in your blog Tiffany, but the range of comments regarding this issue.

    As far as i can see a few things are going on here that need to be kept in perspective…..

    (1), while having its issues both technical and administrative, did provide us all an excellent place to meet one another openly and anonymously while handling a horrific amount of user content… and ALL FOR FREE! Thats still a fact that amazes me…

    (2) From What Tiffany has posted she is using THE ONLY TOOL SHE HAS TO FIGHT BACK With, The COLLARME.COM Domain Name, To try and reclaim what should be rightfully hers… which sadly puts all of us, Her “users”, in the middle, something she clearly tried to avoid for a long time.

    (3) Tiffany deserves our support for all she has done over the years to give our less than main stream community a very safe and public place to find one another. I met my partner of 9 plus years here on, and recently after relocating to Texas, we used to meet a Mistress and her slave who we are getting to know to see where it leads. My life would be totally different if it wasnt for the people i have meet thru here making me very grateful to and supportive of Tiffany and her case.

    (4) SO… If your one of these people screaming at Tiffany for the site being down, one of those who feel their entitled to everything they want, NOW!, and for FREE… GROW UP you selfish idiots! Get your nose out of your electronic devices, Look Up and see whats around you, and JOIN THE HUMAN RACE! instead of acting like a petulant child screaming over its toy being taken away!

    i may be merely a mid 50s, sub male, cross-dresser who yearns for control and ownership while struggling to keep a roof over our heads after loosing over 99% of our possessions to foreclosure & bankruptcy, But… i also know what your forced to do is Right and pledge my support and offer myself to help you any way i can. This is OUR COMMUNITY and i for one am very grateful you created it.

    Hang in there!

    jas constantine
    North Texas

    1. Jas Constantine,

      FINALLY! Someone besides myself who noticed that most of these people are just whining about the fact that she did what she did with her OWN PROPERTY and they’re no longer allowed to play with it. “Waaaah! I can use somebody else’s toy because they took it away!” We’ve become the United States of the Entitled and it’s ridiculous. So you can’t get on a site. BIG WHOOP. You don’t own it. Stop complaining that the world is not being handed to you on a platter.

  174. He set it under a other URL name online again….the stupid just have mistaken that the whole website must be reprogrammed because of the old URL’s LOL

  175. I find this all most confusing and quite shambolic. I agree with the posters that state that we have only heard one side of the argument…and that Tiffany has thrown her dummy out of the pram. FFS, get a grip…people are being effected by this outage, and some are getting extremely annoyed by this persons actions.

  176. Agree with Tiff many sites in the past years I was on was hacked or shut down over people wanted something free for nothing. Fet is the other site I am on but I use collarme more than fet. People do not realize how hard it is to juggle having a child with issues. It is as if you are baby sitting and not being paid for it or driving someone to the airport 3 hours away and not being paid for the gas. I bet it is more expensive to live on the east coast vs west coast being near seattle. Lot of jerks in the world taking advantage of other people. It happens everyday I think you did the right thing and people do not understand what it costs to run a site so why get shafted and say *please sir can i have more* One site i was on was costing a man 700 a month and no one would give enough to pay for the bandwidth. People want what is free in this world and eventually people get pissed off if things change. I look at pof it makes over 10 million a year and it is not what it used to be. Hope you get it all sorted out.

  177. I still think I like FetLife more than Society21, but I’m on both as Kinky-Academic. I do hope CollarMe comes back sooner over later.

    Good Luck!

  178. Watching this play out over the past two days has been very interesting. I have to take the unpopular opinion that you have gone about this absolutely wrong. I’m quite surprised at how easily everyone has jumped to trash the site and it’s creator’s whomever they might be. Without hearing both sides , or having verified 3rd party info that any of this is truth how are we expected to pick sides and rage against a website based on the word of someone who is holding the CM community hostage in order to achieve their goals. This amounts to blackmail, and worse adding to very personal aspect of the sick child to what should be a business argument is very inappropriate. If your story is true I have to look at the unprofessional manner in which you chose to deal with this situation here as an example of how you have been handling this dispute with your former partner, which to indicates why you all cant reach an agreement. For the CM community there is always more than 1 side to every story all the folks offering money and servers and web development should verify this story before jumping in with both feet. For those complaining the site sucked and was riddled with spammers and needed to be reborn anyway, please note you were redirected to this blog on the way to said site. Good luck to all involved in this community and this situation I hope its resolved soon with the greater good in mind.
    To Ms. TIFFANY I cannot condone airing your child’s suffering in this way but if that situation is as you say may gods blessing be with your baby girl.

    1. shame common sense is so uncommon. most folks here flunked social engineering 101 and believe everything they read. after all, they can’t put anything on the net that isn’t true

    2. Totally agree with this statement this person made. There are many sides to a story. We are all only getting the 1 sided version. I am trying to understand why hold a website hostage and blackmail the other “owner” of the site along with it. Seems to me there would be a legal recourse that could be taken to resolve the issues.

      Honestly, I don’t get the whole idea of airing “dirty laundry” online to begin with. It ALWAYS tends to come back and bite a person in the ass. Too much information isn’t usually the way to go. Heck, an old Kenny Rogers song comes to mind “The Gambler.”

  179. I had an almost original profile since 2004. If this is what it takes to go back to IP/location identification for the scammers I am all for it. I used to approve/deny/admin profiles and I miss doing it. This situation sucks but it may resolve bigger issues.

    We all know collarme is ridiculed throughout the fetish community.

  180. Dear Tiffany,

    What you did is the right thing! You seen that there is no other resolution and want justice.

    I am a professional webhoster and graphic designer, I am willing to help you to get a brand new CM up and running 😉 I can provide you with all the necessary tools and services to start with.

    Feel free to send me an e-mail.


  181. Ha! Irrespective of the rights and wrongs this is, pure and simple, a shakedown.

    It’s also pretty pointless, and uncovers your hand. The former partner will just take a new domain name, publicise it, and off he will go. The action to deny access will count against in the long run.

  182. I just want my journal entries .i want my written work retrieved pls tell me how to get it back .start a new site who cares what he wants .start again everyone will follow live worked on my own start up sites before I’ll help .amd so will all those on collarme just start .

  183. Hi Tiffany,
    When it is convenient for you, please contact me via my corporate site. I have some ideas on how you can salvage your business situation, get paid what you are owed and get you back into business.

    I look forward to hearing from you.

  184. hey i understand why you did it. and i hope you are able to rebuild it better than ever. if you need someone that would be willing to help out just ask.

  185. First I want to say thank you for creating the site. I joined in 2002.

    I have since met my now husband and have a baby boy on the way.

    And bravo to you or standing up to what is right.

  186. I love Women’s feet, how could one not love Women’s feet?

    Anyway, I can offer up my time to help with graphics and with web development if needed.


  187. You might consider crowdsourcing for any costs associated with litigation or starting a new site, I’m sure many here would pay into it

    1. Or indeed medical costs (I forgot that you pay for stuff like that over there)

      I wish you all the luck in the world with your daughter.

  188. I was in the process of talking to a potetial new Dom…………… who I will never be able to track down ………. I would say thanks but I would be lying through my arse. It has taken me ages to find someone to trust again.

  189. Get rid of this guy. Flat-out.

    You have been more than gracious, cooperative, and willing to work with him; you have tried to live up to your end of the bargain despite having to endure emotional, personal, and financial difficulties due to the conditions of your daughter’s birth.

    Your former partner is an a**hole, and that’s putting it mildly.
    Screw him. Don’t compromise one single solitary inch if you do not absolutely have to.

    Make a different website if you need to. Watch all of your supporters flock to you wherever you go, and leave him high and dry. It’s what you both deserve. You should flourish, and he should fail.

  190. Make a pay site–$25 a month, $50 for 3 months or some kind of scale would help Tiffany out and would also make a greater percentage of the membership really sincere.

  191. Well we can all give our advice and opinion here and it’s worth what it’s worth, but basically CM was/is a free site. Most users came and profited from this…with little input really besides looking for some kind of adventure or online wanking…well good things always have an end…the online money mistresses will have to look for another place and so will the scammers.
    Now is this Tiffany owns the domain name as she seems to and has a business conflict that has gone unresolved over many months, well it is very a efficient technique to “cut the “money line” . Amazing how quickly people that can’t be reached grab their phone when that happens.

    We were all freeloaders on the site… let’s remain a bit humble, but Tiffany should also remember that a site’s value is made up of the members participation and that decreases very quickly when a site is closed…


  192. please my collarme males look me up on velvetluv_247@yahoo. All free website in the long run screws up and lose there fans. I know I have been to a lot who try to change but lost all people.
    who can’t build riches then want people to pay,that why you do ads and your buying toys,fetlife might pull all your fans or some of the other websites. Like most say we are on all of them. and it was a reason we came back to yours.because you can chat with the person or see there picture or talk to know who is fake and who is a scammer.You build people trust to break it down.So why is this being redirected to a blog and not collarme. So is this a scammer or hackers in collarme.
    so all my slaves so email me at velvetluv_247@yahoo. I would not need collarme. in which I loved.

  193. So I’ve been here for years. I’m finally in a serious conversation with someone manages to share nearly all my fetishes, who I enjoy talking to just as I would anyone, but also as a potential partner in this lifestyle. We can see a future, we’re at the point where we’re going to trade personal information. I was literally typing THE message….and then this.

    I cannot tell you how absolutely blown away I am.

    Your shutting down the whole site has ruined the chance at an actual relationship I was looking for, and spent years trying to find.

  194. I have been reading over this, and while I sympathize with Tiffany, I cannot condone the behavior of simply shutting down the whole site without warning to the members.

    The dispute between the two founders should have been settled in some other fashion, there are always options that are not the nuclear option. While Tiffany may have some legitimate issues, the other founder may also have some legitimate issues. I would like to know which of the two of them put the money into developing the site? Who funded the server costs, and who put up the cash to pay the software developers who wrote the code for the site? That is the person who should be pissed that the site is down, that is the person who invested money into the site and now is losing money. I am guessing it is not Tiffany.

    Now while we all know and acknowledge that collarme was over crowded with scammers and fakes and flakes and nuts, and some very persistent issues with Nigerian and Ghanan scammers as well as a ton of Philippine scammers, the fact is that out of all the BDSM sites out there CM was the best. This society31 is a joke, FL is just a club site for many who are very unaccepting to those who are new to the site, and the rest could not possibly handle the traffic. The site was up and down on various servers last night, but it seems to be off now, and that is too bad.

    For those of you who were talking to me on CM please message me on yahoo via messenger as you can email me there as well, but I am not promising to read all the mail there, so YIM is the way to go.

    I appreciate that Tiffany has had some very serious health issues with her daughter, but in the end private life should not be used as an excuse to derail a business. Until we all find a new home, we will have to do it the hard way.

    I bid you peace and the happiness of a life that has been fulfilled in all ways.


  195. Tiffany, I don’t know if you’ll remember me, but we worked together briefly in 2010 when I was a volunteer on CM. You had me working on publicity and doing research into patent law for you. I’m so sorry all of this mess is putting more strain on you when you should be focusing on your daughter. I hope you’re able to resolve things in a manner that benefits you and your family. The minute you start a new site, I would love to volunteer to help. You did a great job, lady, and I would love to work with you again. Blessings to you and yours. My family and I will keep you in our thoughts.

  196. Internet Wizard what a nice thing to do to offer your help as you have. I hope Tiff takes you up on your offers.

    Thank you for having a heart.

  197. Tiffany,
    Disgusting partner you must have had. What a male piece of work.
    The most important thing here is YOU and YOUR DAUGHTER!

    The second most important thing is YOU OWN THE DOMAIN!!
    You can do with it whatever you choose. Do not allow this setback to cripple you. Get this started back up as quickly as possible. you obviously have a tremendous following and more than enough help to get the site back up and running.
    Do you need a financial partner? I am interested if you do.
    You have the resources, now MAKE IT HAPPEN, for all the females who struggle to be equals to men.
    Everyone who has taken the time to write here, and even those who haven’t, I can promise you are all behind you.
    I am thinking of you

  198. I dont really know what happened to the site. Maybe she is telling the truth or maybe not. This site was filled with pro Dom and other kind of people that are only interested in profit. I don t judge them. It s a way of thinking. So it is logical to be sceptical about all this situation. I think that Tiffany (if it s a real name) should try to solve her differences in court with a lawyer.

    Finally i really like all the people that wrote comments and advices to her. They seem to be kind, friendly and helpful people. But if we cant be sure of what is really happening, please be careful.

  199. Hi Tiffany, the situation you have been brought into is insane.

    Im a full time web developer with almost 20 years experience.

    I would love to help you out.

    Give me a shout on email and let us take it from there.



  200. I am so sorry this has happened to you, Tiffany and you have my full support.

    Hold out for whatever resolution you believe is equitable and let him sweat while collarme is down. He won’t be able to hold out forever.

    I wish you all the best and I hope your daughter gets well very soon.

  201. Selfish and acting like a baby all he needs is to change the domain and a few logos. You really should give up now baby. I have lost an important piece to connect with potential owners and now have to go pay for recon premium. It’s sad Tiffany acts like a child. Next time grow up and keep your content and back up everything as for the sympathy I don’t have any for you

    1. Tiffany is NOT giving up~ She cares about her Collarme people; Tiffany is not a quitter and neither are the members; so you can take your defeatist attitude and go wash your mouth out with soap & get 8 hours sleep. And start exercising ya crabby-pants.
      love bratty

  202. Sorry to hear the challenges you’ve had Tiffany, with your child, and then compounded with the site. While it sucks to lose use of the site, it’s understandable for you take action (and surprising you were patient this long). I hope an equitable solution can be reached, as dissolution doesn’t benefit anyone.

    It’s good of you to offer this up for a little back & forth so we can hear your side and offer some words of support.

    >strong>For those who are looking to ** retrieve some of their profile/journals ** two possible ways to try:

    1) google “collarme” followed by your user id there — and in the results, click on the down-pointing arrow at the end of the site address text (just under each match title) — then click on “Cached” (or ctrl-click to open in new tab/window)… there will likely be several incremental caches (text only) going back in time. It’s not perfect, and not complete, but it’s something. Best to do this sooner rather than later, as those results will fade over time.

    2) Another history resource (that often includes primary picture) that goes further back in time is — and in the address type user id]] (replace [[your user id]] without brackets and no spaces)

  203. hi Tiffany,

    Very sorry to hear about the problems. I also am a web host, kink friendly and would love to help you out.

    If you own the domain, you merely need a new website and possibly webmaster / programmer to help getting it going and maintain it. I can help with this and have the 1st version of a new site ready over night for you. Custom coding, not an out of box script. I believe I have been a member of your site ever since I started mine in 1995.

  204. Good luck sorting this out. I hope you can but usually these things get dirty and protracted. And once the lawyers get involved the costs skyrocket. In the fickle world of the internet, sites live and die daily. But good luck and Best wishes for your little one.

    1. “Give it up already. This is ridiculous. This whole situation is ridiculous.~~nuclearsub

      Seriously? You are ridiculous that you would give up so easily Collarme friend. Remind me not to go into battle with you. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting for. Its only been a few hours; what do you do when you’re under actual pressure? Lets support Collarme founders, not deride.

      love bratty

    1. Please if you are going to criticize the site and call the members insulting names please take the time to check your grammar; i am embarrassed for you darling. As for i miss it so much!

      i love and I hope it comes back tomorrow.

      Love bratty

  205. Tiffany,

    I can tell you that more than the technical issues, your hiring of whoever VideoAdminDelta was what was killing the videochat experience. Someone (not me) said the chatroom had a “North Korea vibe” to it. When I agreed, I got banned for a day, proving the guy’s point just perfectly. Not only do you need a good partner, but you need to make good hires.

  206. Damn I miss this site. I got such great cuckolds and subs to be in my private play and in my videos clips. Hope it comes back soon. I was just getting ready to start running ads on it, too.

    Good luck Tiffany keep us posted via email.

    Danny Blaq

  207. Very sad story, I hope you get it sorted out for the best.

    And I already miss the fake nigerian subs scammers and the psychopaths that take submission as a remedy for their schizophrenia.

    But I had found a nice partner there some years ago, which ended in a long-term relationship, so I hope the site will come back stronger than before.

    Good luck, all my thoughts.

  208. Tiffany —

    Good luck to you and good energy to you and your family. Thanks for letting us know what is going on and I for one realize you did the best you could for the users. Don’t go back into business with the asshole — that is irreparable at this point. He buys the domain and you start over. Or you make damn sure he can’t come after the domain in any way and you start over. Expect him to file a dispute on the ownership of the domain soon. Stay strong for you and your daughter — you have a good start on a user base here. If you start a new site, I’ll join it as soon as I know the name. Have no desire to return to without your steady hand at the wheel.

    AceTOP aka Derek

  209. Sad that it has come to this! Friendship is difficult as it is and to be betrayed in this manner is to put it bluntly F’d up! I do hope you get it straigtened out though. Just a follow up though your long absence from the site explains the direction the place took and why so many accounts were hacked. Sorry that you left. It is obvious the guy was way over his head!

  210. Now the partners asshole supporters/friends are on fetlife trying to trash Tiffany and direct users to the other bullshit shit. Tiffany needs to come back stronger and better than ever with a new and improved

  211. I applaud you, and wish you and your, I’m sure, stunning daughter all the best.

    I only know that trust is the most important aspect of any relationship, whether it be in the BDSM realm or in business.

    I hope all works out for you both……

  212. Could you please delete. my account as I found someone and if it comes back up I don’t want anyone emailing me? If it comes back up I will rejoin I do like the site I hope this isn’t too much trouble… Thank you

  213. Hey Tiff! So sorry to hear about all this no sense. Leaving the actual CM stuff aside, have you thought about starting a thing so some of us could donate money to you for your child’s medical bills? I am sure plenty of us would love to hep you out, so we just need a way to do it.

  214. Whois

    Domain Name: COLLARME.COM
    Registrar: GODADDY.COM, LLC
    Whois Server:
    Referral URL:
    Status: clientDeleteProhibited
    Status: clientRenewProhibited
    Status: clientTransferProhibited
    Status: clientUpdateProhibited
    Updated Date: 23-may-2014
    Creation Date: 24-aug-2002
    Expiration Date: 24-aug-2018

    >>> Last update of whois database: Sat, 24 May 2014 21:34:30 UTC <<<

  215. WHOIS Information
    Domain Name: COLLARME.COM
    Registry Domain ID: 89633463_DOMAIN_COM-VRSN
    Registrar WHOIS Server:
    Registrar URL:
    Update Date: 2014-05-21 07:08:14
    Creation Date: 2002-08-24 01:27:45
    Registrar Registration Expiration Date: 2018-08-24 01:27:49
    Registrar:, LLC
    Registrar IANA ID: 146
    Registrar Abuse Contact Email:
    Registrar Abuse Contact Phone: +1.480-624-2505
    Domain Status: clientTransferProhibited
    Domain Status: clientUpdateProhibited
    Domain Status: clientRenewProhibited
    Domain Status: clientDeleteProhibited
    Registry Registrant ID:
    Registrant Name: Registration Private
    Registrant Organization: Domains By Proxy, LLC
    Registrant Street:
    Registrant Street: 14747 N Northsight Blvd Suite 111, PMB 309
    Registrant City: Scottsdale
    Registrant State/Province: Arizona
    Registrant Postal Code: 85260
    Registrant Country: United States
    Registrant Phone: +1.4806242599
    Registrant Phone Ext:
    Registrant Fax: +1.4806242598
    Registrant Fax Ext:
    Registrant Email:
    Registry Admin ID:
    Admin Name: Registration Private
    Admin Organization: Domains By Proxy, LLC
    Admin Street:
    Admin Street: 14747 N Northsight Blvd Suite 111, PMB 309
    Admin City: Scottsdale
    Admin State/Province: Arizona
    Admin Postal Code: 85260
    Admin Country: United States
    Admin Phone: +1.4806242599
    Admin Phone Ext:
    Admin Fax: +1.4806242598
    Admin Fax Ext:
    Admin Email:
    Registry Tech ID:
    Tech Name: Registration Private
    Tech Organization: Domains By Proxy, LLC
    Tech Street:
    Tech Street: 14747 N Northsight Blvd Suite 111, PMB 309
    Tech City: Scottsdale
    Tech State/Province: Arizona
    Tech Postal Code: 85260
    Tech Country: United States
    Tech Phone: +1.4806242599
    Tech Phone Ext:
    Tech Fax: +1.4806242598
    Tech Fax Ext:
    Tech Email:
    DNSSEC: unsigned
    URL of the ICANN WHOIS Data Problem Reporting System:
    Last update of WHOIS database: 2014-5-24T21:00:00Z

  216. I simply hope when its all over you notify those of us you are able so we are all able to reunite on whatever site exists

  217. I wish you the best of luck in your struggles, and hope you are able to quickly bring him to reason’s door.

    Friends from here wishing to reach me, can contact
    email (at )mistressgenesis(dot)com or go through my website.

  218. Tiffany, you might contact his lawyer and tell him that for the price of the domain rights, your noncompetitive clause of the contract will be recended. That will give you the oppotunity to start your own site. I am sure that are a bunch of oldertechs out there that are out of work would jump at the chance to work with you!! Think about it!

  219. Let’s see…

    Domain rights
    Copyright infringement
    Intellectual property
    Interstate commerce
    Business infringement
    Loss of revenue
    …The list just goes on and on.

    This Internet tiff will make for some interesting case law when it goes to court. Can’t wait to read it.

    1. Yeah.
      I’ll bet you there will be a boatload of you ambulance chasers chasing this corpse. Which seems odd. You all only chase something when you smell money. This is just another broke-dick porn site.

  220. Hi Tiffany,

    So sorry to hear about your daughter’s condition. I can understand that right now this is your priority, even you did not say it explicitly. I hope that soon your business ordeal comes to a resolution, too and you can focus on your daughter full-time.

    For the maggots who use this page to promote themselves:

    Google Tetralogy of Fallot to understand that it is more important than you pitiful self-promotion. And imagine yourself into her shoes, then you can come here and post.


  221. It is a legitimate claim that those responsible open so the members can get access to their personal information before it is sold or whatever.

    There must be a legal written agreement and existing laws regulating the relationship between the owner of a domain, here, and the owner of the server so at least the members can get access to their private information at


  222. I would like to say, yes, I know of the fall apart that happened on this many fakes, so many hackers and bots, but to you, Jessica, I applaud you. You did all you can. I miss some of the friends I actually made here, but now that it’s gone, I can no longer communicate with them. Though, I did meet some nice people here, I wish you much luck on the next free site. Now I hope we can still have a free site for the bdsm community, since most paid sites do not offer what I wish for.
    If you need any help, jessica, I too, offer my support!

  223. TIFF,

    Some quick advice;
    1) CSS Killswitch
    2) You can seize the hardware and code in lue of salary/payment

    Good luck!

  224. Bulslhit, utter crap, if you really cared about any of the members chatting with one another, you would have resolved your personal legal issues outside of this website address. You wanted to embarrass, and humiliate your ex-partner and did a wonderful job doing so.

    You ruined collarme for good, what advertiser in their right mind is going to want to advertise with collarme now, specially if it can be taken down at whim by an angry, vengeful person?

    If you are not sued, I would be surprised. If the other person, regardless of guilt or not, has any brains at all they would file a suit right away.

    If you wanted to be paid by this person, do you think stating this drama in public forum for all the users to read is going to help you to that end? Think about what you have done.

    Made every member concerned about your and your partners business.

    Regardless if the site goes back up, you probably have lost the advertisement.

    The site will not generate funds to pay you with, because the advertising has gone.

    The membership will decrease, because like it or not, nobody likes being shut out of their account free or not. They will just find a better place.

    You have ruined the jobs of whoever works for collarme, what about those people, if I were them I would file my own suit against you.

    You have used your personal issues with your daughter to generate pitty for your situation, which I find disgusting.

    Do you really think your ex-partner is going to even want this site back? Why? The collarme name has been tainted. He can just simply change the name, say it was previously collarme and everyone gets to keep their accounts and start utterly fresh. You put far too much importance on the name that has been branded, it can be re-branded by co-association and that you can do nothing about because all you own is a website name, not the actual name nor company. You should have incorporated and taken equal shares, you really have nothing, absolutely nothing and he has all the power you originally perceived you had.

    Effectively what you have done is ruin jobs of people not involved, ruined the accounts of people that had no idea nor were involved, exposed your baby daughter to this by associating her with the website, which will carry on for the rest of your daughters life. Ruined any chance of collarme ever going back on line in the way it was. Ruined the supporters. Ruined the sponsors, ruined the advertisers.

    You are one scary evil person so far as I am concerned, just because your poor daughter has a serious medical condition does not give you the right to do what you have done. You should be deeply ashamed of your actions, and I would strongly suggest seeking a lawyer, and perhaps a psychologist to work out your personal issues so you might move on and be a happier person.

    Just because you are well spoken, does not mean that what you say is truth. It just means you are well spoken. Until such a time as you prove equal time for everyone you have mentioned in this public display of drama, everything you say is, and should be suspect. There is no empirical evidence that anything you have stated is true, and in fact every bit of it may be a lie. The very best scam artists are most often the nicest and most sincere sounding polite people you will ever meet, but it doesn’t change the fact they will cheat you for everything they can.

    Blah, I am disgusted, the more I think about this the more it bothers me what you have done, and disgusts me. You need to find your way through this legally, instead of taking a chance and attempting to gain the upper hand, using this site as leverage to effectively blackmail someone to do exactly what you want them to do. In effect that is what you are doing, blackmailing your ex-partner, which under the law is a serious crime.

    Personally I think it’s too late, I think you have already dug your hole, jumped in, hit rock bottom and started to dig. I don’t see how you can get out of the bad situation you have created for yourself, legally. I wouldn’t want to be your significant other, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t want the headache of having to deal with the criminal or other legal issues that are coming down the pipe.

    I do have to admit, the story about your daughter was heartbreaking but also particularly evil of you. Using your daughter in that way, that is morally disgusting. You seem to believe that you can pick up a turd by the clean end.

    1. Nobody gives the slightest fuck as to what you think or say . .

      You’re just another whiny bedwetter, who thinks they’re entitled to CM . .

  225. Tiffany, if you have a legal contract that is in default then why not visit your friend in court where this should play out. It is what the rest of us have to do if our contractual partners don’t live up to their agreement. What you are doing is hurting the Collarme brand, hurting the Collarme community and hurting the potential income for your child’s welfare. When people have all moved to other websites while you have your tantrum or carry out your vendetta or what ever you want to call it; Collarme will simply be weakened by you. What you really want unless you’re insane is a solution which can only be reached at this point by a legal remedy as it is clear both parties are unwilling to agree on what needs to happen. You are acting like a child and you need to grow up. If all you say is true then your former partner needs to grow up too.

  226. i just wanted to say on behalf of my Master and i…we r both grateful for the site…without this site him and i would have never meet and meeting each other has been the best thing in both of our lives…and for tht we will always thankful…we both with u the best of luck in whtever the outcome may be

  227. i used this site to find a partner in life, a one on one 24/7 relationship. But many here are pro dommes and that should not be allow.
    Now you can start fresh and make a real bdsm dating site for those looking for a real relationship. Let him keep what he has cause all the real people who honestly are here searching for a bdsm love relationship will follow you when you start new.

    And when you get the new site going delete the pro domme who is just in it for money or gifts. They belong else where like on the other sites where they advertise.

    1. I totally agree with this comment, and if this site returns and any person or persons whether they be male or female and are asking for money for their services, they should be forced to pay to use the site, or the person or persons and their profile should be permanently deleted.
      People that run a company have to pay to use this site and the same goes for anyone that wants to charge for their services, and they should have to pay the same going rate as the people that advertise their company on this site.
      So if Collarme returns, I hope the people who run the site will address this concern and weed out the people who are getting a completely free profile, and completely free advertising on a free to use site, and at the same time are asking other people on the site to pay for their services, as this is not fair AND SHOULD BE STOPPED.
      I understand that collarme has to be run to make a profit to be able to keep the site running and to pay people wages, but their are certain people that are using this site for their own gains and are making money from completely free advertising and at the expense of Collarme.
      To the people who run Collarme, I am surprised that you have let people on this site have a free profile and at the same time they are asking people for money and that you have not picked up on this, and continued to let these people stay on the site.

  228. what happen to all of the users personal information and pictures that were up on>?

  229. Probably a good thing as CM turned into FinDom wannabes and money scammers who had no interest in the BDSM lifestyle. Now to find a site where there are no money scammers who are actually into BDSM if one ever exsists.

  230. Crazy suggestion, what if there was a compatibility test, that used real science to make real matches in the lifestyle. After all many of us want more than just hookup or a find someone with our fetish.

    I’m a kinkster who wants to find a partner, and to be honest its hard finding a match.

    Also it helps legitimize who we are and what we are about as more than just something that you do in the bedroom or you misrepresent through bad erotica and movies.

    1. Another great idea! These comments are full of them… brilliant ideas that is. And I’m sure they are full of delicious people from the site. In a way, it’s a new sort of filter, no?


  231. Unfortunately there are no real friends in business, I have experienced this myself and seen it time and time again. What you had was an excellent site (odd issues with fakes and scammers!!… but all sites have those!) and I personally spent many hours chatting with like minded people which was refreshing!
    Don’t buckle to your partner…. F@@@ him….. re float the site, keeping the name. It will be a struggle and obviously you need to look fully at the legal ramifications…. but bullies in business deserve to be beaten back!
    I think you will be amazed how many people follow you across to your new “Collar Me” site…… and if your partner was running it into the ground then it is only a matter of time before it is completely destroyed and you become the conquering survivor!
    You may have only given one side of the story…. but if your partner is not prepared to share theirs then you have to assume your account is correct, otherwise why would they not want to contradict it!
    So don’t give up…. we are all here behind you and ass holes like your partner deserve to and ultimately will fail!
    But most importantly above all this…. don’t ever loose focus on your daughter and family, and to that end I hope your daughter stays well and any hurdles you have to cross you step over with ease in the future.
    All the very best for you and your family for the future.

  232. Maybe rather than spend money on litigation, it is cheaper to re-create the Collar Me code yourself? And then post it under this Domain name?
    I’d think this the case, especially with you being experienced in web design. I’d think you are in a position where you can offer your partner a little money, for otherwise worthless code-servers.

    If you re-create Collar Me then you might have to change the design a little for copyright reasons e.g. personalized colors for sub-dom-switch viewers. But start again with some version of Collar Me that actually works, then improve it from then on-wards. People will re-register as this is a very good, free site.

    But your partner will otherwise use the server info to create a new site. This thing is a race to which one of you does so first.

    1. Now you sound like a smart one… this is an excellent idea! Tell me… are you in marketing?

      I’m a curious piccolina… :)

  233. OK
    I’ve read some comments on here & I must say that apart from literally laughing myself off my chair, I have mostly shook my head in dismay and disgust!
    CollarMe was a website much the same as BBC, Facebook or Vogue! To the best of my knowledge it did not give life support access, throw daily motivational words of wisdom or even pass subliminal messages through the screen.
    It did serve it’s purpose to connect like minded people (in whatever form) together.
    However … Some of you are behaving as though you have literally been cut off from the outside world! GET A FUCKING GRIP! If you are truly serious about your alternative lifestyle choice then surely CM wouldn’t have been the only site that you were on? pictures that may have posted by you, or of you would have been backed up privately from it’s source ???
    You bitches and mitches complaining that Tiffany is being unfair, selfish, childish blah blah blah should have had a plan B, CM has ALWAYS been a free site so complaining as though you had made a financial input or given YOUR precious time into development is comical, any SERIOUS self respecting Domme/Dom/subs would have their profile on numerous other similar site e.g. Fetlife, Femdommesociety, Findoms, FemDom Match, Subdom dating etc etc etc. so bleating on about the demise of CM only proves to make you look desperate (not a good look really)
    I written numerous journals on CM some of which are now gone, but hey c’est la vie, I shan’t lose sleep over it.
    I have also made contact with a few potential subs, however I had the foresight (once they had been deemed worthy) to request alternative contact methods and continue a dialogue irrespective of CM … rocket science No! Common sense Yes!

    When and if CM returns then you may reconvene and if that does not happen then move along to the next.

    Dommes and Doms I give you the nod.
    Subs … Bow down bitches.

    Be grateful & stop whining.
    Dee Dom

  234. Tiffany,
    I take it since you have removed some of your other “further explanations” that those were not, as several people pointed out, going to be believable, be relevant and/or be effective.

    I realize that, though the message flow here is slowing down, that many people claiming to be attorneys, accountants, server owners, software writers and every other professional you need for a Fortune 500 startup–continue to offer their pro bono services since they can’t find their financialdomme online right now.

    Useful? Perhaps. But what you need is someone who is credible in our community so that questions about data integrity can be dealt with first. Then you might want to process your claims through that third party–because your Perfect Storm explanation of the crisis you found yourself in would make your behavior more credible than expecting us to swallow it whole on your say so [and yes some cant be verified because of “litigation”, but much can].

    In both cases, of data integrity and partial verification, the National Center for Sexual Freedom fits the need you have perfectly. Get those needs met for all of us in your community; and then you and your ex partner can get all the attorneys you want and come to some corporate agreement. Watching that part of it seems it is a much about the business end of your full contact sport match between switches to see who is going to be Dominant and who will be Submissive in the next stage of CollarMe’s development. Just figure it out under some open and ethical process that feels like what our community does in People Exchanging Power & the website will probably grow from this.

    Remember, you have a growing number of submissives I am coming to enjoy from China as you grow—and the Chinese symbol spelling of the concept “Crisis” is actually the combination of the symbols for “Danger” and “Opportunity”.

    Dr Dave

  235. sorry to hear…CM was creepville, indeed…I hope someone will create a site like CM that will ban scammers. I hope this is a good opportunity to create a decent, NORMAL website that will run on a high level, like OkCupid or something.

  236. Your situation touched my heart, Tiffany. I wish you all the luck in the world and include you in my prayers!

  237. So, how does the irresponsible partner’s lavish lifestyle have to do with CM not being up?

    and if he doesn’t own the domain name, how does he have everything else? is he doing this to spite her?

    sorry, I am not very technical.

  238. Tiffany,

    I really don’t know the facts behind all this, but I be inclined to think that all you say is true. And I’m sorry you’ve been so mistreated. What has me pause to think and suffer some doubt, though, is how you chose to address your dispute. If you indeed are as technically savvy as you say you are, you must have known that it wouldn’t take him very long at all to set up a new domain through which to reach his servers and the CM application. So it really calls into question what the purpose of your action was.

    It can’t be to pressure him to meet your demands, as reasonable as they may be. I mean, the has been up for a while.

    It can’t be to further whatever legal action you plan to take. Doing this puts you at a disadvantage in several ways. To mentions a few, you risk being countersued for damages that could erase what you are due and cost you even more. The law never condones revenge. Yes, it is your domain but a jury in a civil action could decide that doesn’t matter. You risk being accused of defamation if anything you said is untrue. And, you show your hand, allowing him to prepare.

    So what could the purpose be? Well, you could have conveyed all the information you do in three modest paragraphs. Instead, you go on interminably about the unfairness, how much you’ve sacrificed, how vulnerable you were, what an ass he is… none of which really matter to the meat of your issue, which is you haven’t been compensated for your work. A fair complaint. All the rest is an attempt to make him look like the ass he must be if what you say is true. Moreover, it’s not enough that you attemtp to do that by making all this public. You could have done that by just posting your complaints. So one has to wonder if disturbing the entire CM community was an effort to get us all to hate him as you do, to win us all to your side. I have to confess that that was my initial reaction, until I started to think things through.

    And I’m afraid you didn’t think this through either. Because as right as you may be, two wrongs don’t make a right. And as people have time to catch their breath and think about this, you are coming across as a raging spurned lover bent on lashing out and hurting her ex as much as she can.

    This is not a commentary on whether you are right or not, I don’t know. It’s also not a judgement of any kind, I really don’t know your motivations or state of mind. What I’ve described is just impressions we get from your words and actions as well as how effective, or ineffective, they may be in furthering whatever your just reward may be.

    It’s just not going to help you, Tiffany, and it may hurt you efforts to receive what you deserve. The more people think it through that way, the more it comes across as a tantrum. I’m sorry, but it does.

    1. “I really don’t know the facts behind all this” . .

      Everything you post after that is pretty much irrelevant, huh?

      1. Yes, irrelevant… a simpleminded reaction to being unable understand plain English. If you could, you’d comment on why you think so, that’s what adults do, back up their conclusions with facts.

  239. Tiffany,

    For what it’s worth, please know that many of us across the nation, around the world, who’ve met wonderful people on CollarMe over the years are wishing you and your daughter the best, and you in any and all future endeavors, whether or not CM returns.

    Thank you for labor of love, tho’ labor all the same, on behalf of us all.


    Pinnacle, aka Eurebus, Walnut Creek, CA

    1. Who can know anything in life?

      Perhaps sunspots will destroy the planet tomorrow?

      Would you want to be busy masturbating on CM when that happens?!!?

  240. Tiffany,

    I’m a Dominatrix / law student in San Francisco, and I can help you with a civil lawsuit against your former partner. Depending on the particulars, I can either show you how to file your court case yourself, or see about getting an established law firm involved. One way to get your former partner to own up is to face them in a court two or three months from now.

    Contact me if you’re interested…

    Domina Rae

  241. I’ve been hearing about all sorts of trouble about CM for several years now. Very sorry it’s come to this! Hope this can be resolved soon. Let me know if I can help. Tiffany I am sorry to hear about your daughter’s medical condition. As a nurse I took care of a baby many years ago with tetralogy of falot. Hugs

  242. Hello,

    First of all I am sorry of your ordeal however this isn’t very reasons are:

    1. You didn’t make the customers aware of this movement which will work against you if you go too court with your partner.
    2. You may have sabotaged your partners work, despite owning the domain name…this basically means nothing due too amount of work that has gone in on the running of the site
    3. There is a new site up and running now so your efforts won’t be resolved quickly.

    I have nothing against you has I know you have your rights I just think it should have been done in more proffessional manner. You are a business you need leave personal matters aside.

    1. A customer? You are a customer??? Look up definition in a dictionary boy. Really, go look it up. You haven’t paid a single dime you stupid cunt.

  243. several people have mentioned the site, society31, and how close to collarme they feel it is, Wrong. society31 is in no way similar to collarme, However, it does have a extreme resemblance to another site,, it is almost a twin.
    I miss you collarme.

  244. I think its kind of childish allthe way around. I truly hope the site stays down it sucked anyway. It was full of pay whores.

  245. In reading these posts, I am absolutely shocked and dismayed at how little command of their language native speakers of English have: misspellings everywhere, case and tense errors, dangling participles, misplaced modifiers, subjects and predicates that don’t agree — and on and on. And now I will sit back and await the wrath of those who are the guilty parties, lashing out at me for “having nothing better to do”. If the inability to use one’s mother tongue properly is not a cause for concern, then I don’t know what is. Little by little, bit by bit, inexorably, the English language is being bashed and slashed to death. (And just between you and I, its a damn pitty.)

    1. Michael, I couldn’t agree more with your previous statement. English is being bastardized to a “text vernacular.” While I’m not always grammatically correct, nor perfect when I do try, I did pass 5th grade, and attempt to not regress. It is akin to the Orwellian principle of the “Proletariat” in 1984. Willingly regressing to a point where the most feeble of minds could easily dominate the masses.

  246. Oh thought I might mention a little secret that COllarme does not what you to know. (Shame on you ‘Tiffany’ for making this possible and neglecting to mention it)

    First, your pictures are not kept on Collarme’s servers, they are on a third party site entirely, so even if you delete your account on collarme, your pictures are still out there and viewable.
    Second, you cannot truly delete your account on collarme, its only flagged as ‘not there’ but it still is. I have several accounts there, and all have been deleted, but I know that if I was to use a computer that still has the cookie active on it, that the account I deleted 3 months ago is suddenly there again and still apparently active and receiving mail and such. Thus I discovered I could bring back any old account by merely resetting the cookie. It never left.

    1. First, you’re clearly too stupid to understand her role in the operation of CM.

      Second, your blabbering only confirms your ignorance and irrelevance . .


  248. Hello, hun! I have been on CM on and off for YEARS… And one of the main problems are that there are A LOT of guys who pretend to be girls… And that got worse after you less. And A LOT of the profiles were spam! Again that was AFTER you left. You were always the more pleasant of the two co-founders when I caught you in the chat rooms.

  249. I, personally, think this has been handled very poorly. To be honest, those of us using the site are not concerned with what is going in behind the scenes. We just expect whoever is running it to be professional and reliable. This post (explanation) is nothing but drama and no advertiser would come back to this site. It’s time to move on ….

    1. I agree. This whole this is very unprofessional and the personal BS is not only NONE of our business but it’s unsavory to try and win the favor of people by doing a mud slinging fest on a rather large scale.

      CM was “OK”. At best.

      While I’m sad it’s gone b/c, quite frankly, all my shit is lost and out there in net-who-knows-where which honestly has me peeved but other than that, this mud slinging is classless and will get your more disdain aimed in your direction than it will win the favor-of fools?

      Do yourself a favor and salvage any integrity you have left and digress.

      I don’t know you or your partner but I do know that you can’t unsay things in life. And you DEFINITELY can’t unsay ANYthing on the internet.

      How about *not* giving your daughter a bunch of BS to grow up and read about her Mama losing her S&M site to someone.

      Digress. It’s best.

      ~Queen V

    1. Hey dumb-fuck . .

      If you paid for CM, then you’re even more fucking stupid than you seem, which would be a pretty impressive accomplishment . .

  250. CM has been good, free and very different to any of the other lifestyle sites, but it has had its day and now everyone can see the dirty linen it is certainly unrecoverable.
    What we need as customers is professional people with integrity to start something new using the best of what has been and more—!
    Move on, learn from it and put it behind you Tiffany!

  251. We don’t need all the gory details of your life or verbal blathering. Just a concise description of what if anything is going to happen to the site. Please be direct and specific. If the site is permanently gone, then you owe it to all members to delete all files, information, data from whatever server it is currently stored on – period. Just do it!

    1. So, in that “blather” you might have read that she doesn’t have control of the servers. You’ll be wanting issue yours demands to her ex… oh wait, you don’t want to hear about that.


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